28th July 2011

At 2 am this morning, woke up to worship God.. Somehow all the songs in my IPod feels very normal... Then when I felt a voice telling me to use this song......

The song peace on earth by parachute band gave me this strong presence for some reason... I realized that I can reflect joy after all.. Wow. Impacting. :)

Been spending my time to reach out to people I wanna reach but it's getting harder each day. :( Praying more and doing more than what I usually do now..

Sure can de! Haha! Edwin!! Must believe!! :)
Will blog later in the evening.. Gonna go back studying. Cya~


ARISE, SHINE, FOR OUR LIGHT HAS COME
OUR LIGHT HAS COME
AND THE GLORY OF THE LORD RISES ON US
UPON US NOW

DARKNESS OVER PEOPLE AND OVER NATIONS
BUT THERE IS HOPE
SEE THE LORD RISES OVER US
HIS GLORY SHINES

WE THE CHURCH, A LIGHT TO ALL
BURNED IN OUR HEARTS THE SAVIOURS CALL

MORE OF JESUS IN MY LIFE
MORE OF JESUS SO I SHINE
YOUR PEACE ON EARTH
YOUR PEACE ON EARTH

MORE OF JESUS IN MY LIFE
WITH A DIFFERENT SPIRIT SHINE
YOUR PEACE ON EARTH
YOUR PEACE ON EARTH

ARISE, SHINE, FOR OUR LIGHT HAS COME
OUR LIGHT HAS COME
AND THE GLORY OF THE LORD RISES ON US
UPON US NOW

MORE THAN WE CAN ASK
MORE THAN WE CAN DREAM
OUR GOD WILL DO IT

TO GOD BE THE GLORY

27th July 2011

So many tags for this post. Reason is to reflect how so many thoughts could actually reflect me..

Oh well, I am happy. :)
Nothing much to blog about, will re edit this post if I have time. Haha! :)

24th July 2011

Sometimes i would ask myself this questions:

Why did I become a Christian??
Why have I benefitted by becoming a Christian??
Why did I chose christianity over other religion??
Why has Christianity got to do with my purpose???


Well, a little background information about myself first.

My dad is a cultivator(that how he coins the terms bur I still think he is a Buddhist) who is able to preach. A pastor. I have been following him since young....

I always thought that I would be his next successor. The fact that I would take over him..

However, as time flows and years pass, I became to discover that I am different from the rest....
I keep having this dream that I was a young child and that I was walking with someone older.. Then all of a sudden, a snake pulled me down to the earth by biting my leg. Specifically my left ankle.
Then I would be pulled down and that how I ended up in this house.
Oh well.. Randomness!!

I became a Christian because I felt His love but by doing so, I have open myself up to heavy persecution and war. Sometimes.... I would ask myself if it was really worth it???
I don't like my school mates who just mock me and my church people from my school who would continue to say hurting words into me.... Arrghh!!! Life is so unfair!!

Friends and family are gone.. What next??? I will keep hanging to you and walk in faith but I don't know how much more I can take before I fall and fade completely...
Being very emo now. :(
I really hate my parents, time after time they cheat my feelings and crush my hopes..
N level result and my parents never even congratulate me.... I am okay that you didn't help me. Yet still insist on coming to ceremony so as to brag about "your" achievement. One word: HYPOCRITE!!

My birthday and you still couldn't give me peace? I seriously hate you both.. Yet I am always forced to help you all the time!

I wanna cry out and break free...... I have no friends now because I have happen to lost my close friends... Feel so alone... So bitter..

Well, my sadness has leaked out and shown it's tail.. People are starting to see that I have become more emo.....

I would pray that someone would just encourage me now.......
I don't have the energy to run this race anymore.
Just one person to speak life into me...
Tell me the purpose of living...
Haizz... Sigh....

22nd July 2011

Blogging on my way home from church.. :)
Personal blog here, can pour out my real feelings here. Only a few have access to this blog. ( technically 2)
You both would know who I am referring to.

Time to share something about my life again. Hmm... Where should I start?? Oh well, let's start from today.

After our physics focus, had a really funny yet kinda personal conversation with both Arif and Fauzi.
They asked me if I was interested I Brenda!?! Hahahaha! Why would I be interested in her?? Haha! Well, I am interested to know more about her but never interested in getting to BGR with her. :P

Although I find her character nice. :P
I have some personal condition when I find a soul mate.

My checklist
Must have a good character. Doesn't really matter if ugly or nice
****Must be a Christian. This is important so as to have the same thinking as me.

Other than that, I am okay with other things. :)

Had school till 2.30pm then followed by rushing back home before going to church. :)
CG today was simple yet awesome! Learn how to hare John 3:16 all over again.. LOL!! haha.

I really wanna be like my CGL. I will start by following my Leader directly under me. :)

Always wanna be awesome like my leader. :)

Going back home to complete my study rule. :) 15 hours completed. Just 5 more!!!!

Oh well, nothing much to blog about. Cya soon readers. :)

21th July 2011

Feeling very emo in the morning... :(
Keep thinking of past struggles for some reason..

Still can't believe that our relationship degraded...
Yesterday set infront of Desiree.. So quiet and so silent..
Actually I don't really care about it anymore...

Writing this post not hoping to draw attention. Writing this post to describe how I truly feel. :(

Life never improve at home... I wanna leave the house once and for all... :'(

Everyone has such a great family.. Oh well, guess not everyone will have a happy ending.
Just for your information, its 5.30am now...

My life sucks... Sigh...
I wanna grow.. Grow at my own pace.. I had enough of people calling me useless.. :(

Oh well, that what I get when I let my heart win.. :|
I am starting to lose sight of who I am...

Arrghh!!! EDWIN!! Don't emo!!! The worse is over!!!

Living a life full of love. :) such a simple action like remembering my name is more than enough. I love my CG F4. :)
I love HOGC
I love my life.
I am so gonna have a breakthrough. :)

17th July 2011

Blogging during work now.. So sad that I can't go for service today... :(
So many things to blog about... where should I start?
Well... In the beginning God created the heaven and earth.. XD
Hahha!! Too far.. JkJK!

Well.. let's start from the very beginning... gonna skip everything I had in June cause is just full of discouragement and all sorts of terrible things..

7th July 2011

Was totally sad that my life was at the deepest valley.... people shooting me with words that cut right through me....

I had a terrible family who didn't understand me at all...
The pain I had to go through each day in school being mocked and challenged for my actions...

Another reason was because I felt that I am very useless in pastoral work.. How come everyone is receiving DC while I don't?
Why is everyone rising up except me??
Why is it that I am always bad with my skills that I do?

That's the reason why I started to dull out and become withdrawn to people around me...
I just couldn't believe that even my friend as a Christian would speak death into me..


8th July 2011

My birthday yet the only things I received were punches and nasty words from people..
Celebrated (Who am I lying???) with Adrian and the clique of people.
Went home only to realized that my parents forgot about my birthday totally..
Not only that, I was scolded by my grandma for my problems that I didn't create.
My parents had a fierce argument and my brother persecuted me for my morning prayers and my beliefs...
I broke down on my birthday... only Samantha talked to me and encouraged me but I couldn't smile anymore....
The tears that couldn't stop flowing.... cried a river on my way to bed...
I was thinking of God's plan for me. Did it really happen or was I just to naive to hear my own voice? That was the question that keep flowing in my mind..

9th July 2011

woke up with yet arguments... left home early hoping that I could lift away the burden by talking to friends and going for a worship session with my CG...

During worship session, I couldn't stop crying for some reason, within that 1 hour, I felt ministered by God... took away the pain and burden that I carried and spoke to me something so personal and powerful...

My leader spoke to me and told me to focus on my strengths... I didn't quite understand where are my strengths...

That was the first time I felt God really touching my heart and guiding me..
Taken Down from security ministry due to AE take down..
Spend time with my best friend in church before going home to be persecuted by people again..

13th July 2011
During QT, I asked Him about the sentence that my leader shared, turns out that my strength were all along there, right infront of me.
I made it this far yet I didn't cherish the moment.
I was fearfully and wonderfully made by God.
I smiled as the song "because of You" played in my Ipod touch and I could only smile with tears of joy flowing down me.
The fact that my plans were real...
I prayed for a revival in TSS to happen. :)
Before I knew it, 2 hours had passed..
This was the day that I truly smiled.

"The reason you had a terrible past it so that when you face true darkness, you will face true light."

Now, I know that Your love is always real. :)

There was a major breakthrough for me in my life.

I managed to invite my junior for AE service. :D

yes!! Amen!!!

After prayers and fasting, it came to past. :)

Thank You so much.