29th November 2011

8.40pm

Blogging with my iPod touch..
On the way back from church again... So lonely... :|

Feeling sad though.. I wanna start work somewhere.. 1 more day before I become jobless....

Thank God for the peace in me.. I kinda feel so sorry for being bitter.

Uploaded a few photos... This is how my life went. :P went to eat one of those strange ice cream again.. This time is lime on the outside and vanilla on the inside.. :)

After that, saw that the office has this tissue box that has Doraemon faces!!!
In my mind I was like: "I want that so badly!!" but on the outside I was like: "oh. Wow that's nice. *whips out iPod to take pictures*

Went home and found out that my parents bought this pastry... (I can't remember the name!! I only remember that it has cream on the inside and chocolate at the top. :P).


The following day, woke up and I saw this beautiful sunrise and was so amazed.. Looking at such wonders made me really wonder about what my life would really be like without You..


I guess I would have even lived.. Thank You for believing me...
Some say that I only act holy and I am just hot air... Whatever~

Went to little India to deliver goods to customers.. The smell is just so... Hmm.. Unique. :P ( don't wanna start another race war)

That aside, gonna blog something else that's in my heart.
About what happen yesterday, was just really sad... My pay is way lower than any pay and I have a feeling of bitterness in my heart... =S
Feeling kinda cheated... :( sigh

Oh well, negative things again... Be gone!!! :D


Gonna sleep on the MRT.. bye~

18th November 2011 (Dreams and Vision)

Blogging while on the way back from church. :)

Didn't go for prom night at all. Haha. Defeats the purpose of going since all my friends not going..
Didn't like the hypocrites there. So yeah..
That defeats the purpose totally for going to prom night. :P besides, will get bullied again..

Went to work since Thursday. Send off my leader on a Wednesday afternoon. Will miss Jun Zhou so much when he is gone though..

Good news:
-Became a CG admin. Can't wait to start. :)

-Can play guitar as much as I want. :D

-Got a job... Zzz I doubt that's a good news...

Bad news:
-I have become introverted... =.=
+(I have a serious problem with that..)


Oh well, the bad outweighs the good news so overall should be good..

Been feeling so faith filled since I shared my problems with leaders and God.. :)

Had this really cool ice cream that tasted like lime on the outside and vanilla on the inside.. simplicity at it's best. :D


Random thought:

I have started to realize that I have more girl friends than guy friends... -_-""
I can't get along with most guys in school...
I am glad that school finally ended.. Don't have to face persecution from people anymore. :)

Won't be angry at them.. Thank You God for teaching me how to love them... I have changed so much in this 1 year alone... So many incident that hurt me physically, mentally and emotionally...

Quote: ( My specific vision)

You shall love the lost and the broken. The person to give hope to the hopeless.
A person to heal the injured and help the helpless people... A healer to mend the broken people..


That was the words I heard from God.. He promised me that at the beginning of the year...

What I didn't know was that in order to understand a broken person, one must experience the pain and suffering of a broken person...


Guess I am not insane. I didn't lose my sanity... I made a strong friendship with people I don't even know I could ever made..

You win some, you learn some..


Learn from yesterday
Live for today
Hope for tomorrow


Cheers~

Been so amazed by God... Wow...

Oh well, long blog post here. Hmm... Maybe I should give it a title.. I only give titles to post that are significant to me... How about dreams and vision???

Cya all~ bye readers~

12th November 2011 ( Remembrance)

On the way home now and taking this time to blog.

Pastor Kong came to preach today!!! Zai!! :)
Awesome service. I wanna do things more than what is expected of me!

These are the days where it really reminded and taught me the reason why I was in this church.
Really blessed to be HOGC.. When Lynette was preaching the Word. Amazing....

My revelation today:

We do not have to fully understand God to call upon His Name and use His power. I finally understand the reason now. The reason to why to go through all those injustice.

Went to church on Friday for a prayer meeting with James, Jun Zhou and Leon... Amazing faith filled people.. I feel so blessed...


My brothers in Christ....

I somehow feel so emotional today... Shucks... Lol

Listening to Paramore songs to drown myself with all the fears and doubts.

I can't stop having nightmares though... Time to express myself again.



A battle of valor

A fight of inequality

A conflict with my other 'self'

A war of loneliness

A clash of equal strength but unequal judgement

I don't wanna just survive anymore... I have enough of just barely scraping through!

I wanna WIN and not just survive!

You guys calling me arrogant have no idea what I have gone through.

Hmm... Oh my.. Being so... Better stop....

Cya~

8 November 2011

7.30am

Blogging on my iPod touch now. On my way to work again...

Sleepy to the max uh!!! Woke up then my dad ask me work.... Only have like 5-6 hours sleep again. :(

Anyways, had a mind blowing weekend! Pastor Frazer Rowe and Bishop Dale Bronner came to our church to preach today!! Awesome! <3

Awesome weekend! Hahahaha! Feels as if I went for a outing the whole day. So happy. :)


Feeling like so... Ugh.. Groggy.. Feel like going back home to sleep. :P

Oh well, gonna blog later.

Cya~

8.36pm

So tired after my work shift. :( on my way home from work now. :)

Saw a dead cobra on the way to work. Thank God it didn't attack anyone. *Phew*

Anyway, working hours was extended by up to 12h today. Wonder if there is OT payment. :P

Was listening to the song Breathe by Taylor Swift. The lyrics remind me of the you back then.. Brings back sweet memories I had with you... Followed by the painful memories..
Those moments I had to go through when you suddenly ignored me and after 6 months. You treat it as if nothing happened... •__•

Now it feels hard to talk.. Such issues remained unsettled. Shucks. :P

Never conveyed this feeling to anyone before.. It just breaks my heart and breaks me down totally..

I don't wanna cry anymore.. I need to be strong. :)

I have my leaders that have been so supportive. :) thank you for writing those cards. ( LOL! writing this despite the fact that they won't be able to see it)

Cya~

2nd Nobember 2011

A few more weeks to exams are finally over... Can't wait...

Who am I lying??? I seriously don't know why I have to go through this...

I had enough of people like you all!!!


Gotta remain calm... You guys are like dogs barking.. Irritating like mad. Usually I would ignore but you dogs started to bite...


My life is in a complete mess.. -_-""


Feeling so... Depressed...

I need You God...
Please show me how to worship and pray all over again....


This sucks...

If only time could rewind... I wouldn't have admitted to anyone that I liked you....... That was completely unnecessary..


Sudden flashbacks of you keep on flooding my mind.. How we would talk during class... Laughed with each other ..

Time to move on.. now we just small talk( if I am lucky)...

Seeing each other everyday but never once talked... This is stupid...

Stranger again...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSdELZxEnHY&feature=youtube_gdata_player


Time is the best medicine after all. Haha.
Wouldn't blame you for being like this.. If you are happy doing this then yeah..

I am just so sorry that I attempted to believe we could just be friends....

You become a leader... I have degraded...

Guess I was wrong to say that I am "on fire" for God.....


So depressed... Guess you will never read this post.. I know I will regret writing this post and someone is gonna read this and start the whole thing all over again.............


Being totally down today.. Can't shed tears...

13th October 2011

Blogging with my iPod touch. :) Thank God i still have this. :) my only source of communication and entertainment. Haha.

Went to work yesterday. Night shift drains the life outta me.
Some people asked me why. I could only say that it is out of lack of family allowance but the truth is that I have done it out of family obligation.

As much as I don't want to, I am becoming the next successor of my dad's business. I don't even speak proper Chinese yet he sees potential in me. -_-" I am not even vegetarian.

Anyways, Went to school and reach around 9am.
Only slept for approximately 5h+ I guess.
Feeling totally brain dead. Was expecting to complete all my worksheet but ended up teaching everyone that I only do 1 chemistry and 1 physics worksheet. -_-" 10 more to go. LOL!! :P







My leaders words:

"Edwin, remember the story of King David in the Bible? David had problems in his life yet God told everyone that David is a person after His heart. Remember that you don't have to be straight with Me, just walk with Me"

"Whenever you feel like letting go, remember that I will hold on to you and never forsaken you! Walk with Me! Lift up your problems to Me!!"

9th October 2011

My road to no return
My world has been completely destroyed
A crossroad which bent and lead me into a trap of oblivion.
A oblivion where it will never end, the pain of emptiness...

I used to have (great) dreams and (real) hopes
Where the world didn't mean anything to me
A place where I could call it a sanctuary
I always thought the darkness inside of me could be subdued with the power of Light.

It turns out to be naive thinking.
A failed experiment will always be a failed experiment.
It doesn't change the fact that you are no different from crooks and evil people.

I want to have a hope again.. That feeling where I really started to believe.
Did I make a correct choice or was it just hallucination?

Oh such agony
To explain it would show the incompetence of me.
Why did such a person like me even existed?
It sounds easy to take a different path but it's difficult to leave due to the bridges I have burned...

What did I do wrong to deserve this?

What was I thinking to have hope? Great friends, awesome life, stable family?

I bring dishonor...
If I was dying, I don't deserve anyone to help me...


Well, I find it so hopeless to even blog about my pain and sadness.

being emo.... sad...