[10.26pm: begin transmission]
Blogging via iPod touch. :) just finished serving in security. Enjoying every bit of it.. But feeling sick... *Ugh*
Here is some bits about my story. =| it's kinda depressing and sad... Let's start with my primary school.. people say that I have a heart of gold. Always helping people..
But one very bad disadvantage I had was that I was a slow learner. My results were terrible so I was thrown into a lousy class.. =( Back then, people who got thrown into D and below classes were usually considered the "rotten apples" in society.. (Yes! That's what my teacher said!)
People had a prejudice that we were all gangsters and look down on us.. Eventually (almost) everyone accepted the fact and fall into bad company except me.. I became a outcast at primary 2 because of my queer attitude...
Gotten into my first serious fight at primary 3.. Fought with someone who was in a better class. In the end, the bully was let off scot free while I get punished for a fight which I never start or fight back at all..
I was labelled by the school as mentally unstable (A.K.A crazy) everyone treated me like as if I had leprosy and avoided me altogether.. Teachers didn't believe in me..
Parents never understood me.. Everyone left me when I needed them the most...
Back then, I was only primary 3 and the blow of knowing that I was alienated by everyone was just so great!! It was a major blow... I gave up in myself and become introverted...
I can still remember that during assembly in school, the discipline master said that I was a trouble maker and announce my name... The principal announced that I am a "big fat liar"... ( every quote are the exact words that I used...
I don't really feel like sharing so much on the net.. Who knows how many people are reading this... =S maybe I will share more next time..
Cya~
[10.49pm: end of transmission]
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
14th December 2011
Been awhile since I started to blog.. Hmm.. About half a month At least.. :P been so busy this few weeks. Finally get to blog while on my home from a MRT ride.. :) (You guess it, blogging via iPod touch again. :D)
A friend of mine request to know about my story.. :P hmm.. I think I will consider posting it all on my blog. :D
Lets see, let's start with the things that I have been doing. :P
Been all around Singapore delivering stuff. :P really tired but went to some awesome place and some interesting events. Haha. First up, i found this well in the middle of the whole shopping mall. ( Can't remember where is was and yes, it's real! ) The well is glowing with multiple colors when I went to take a look. :)
Went back to the company and had lunch with the stuff there. Saw this awesome looking (plus cute!!) cat at the coffee shop but couldn't take a picture of it.. :( it turned away when I tried to take a picture... ( Camera shy?? I think so =P )
Last Saturday(10th December 2011), went for a secondary school outing with my friends. It was totally awesome!! Went to Farrer park MRT to have lunch/dinner with them. Order the squid ink spaghetti.. Looks strange but tasted awesome! :D hahaha! LOL!! in the end my faces is black because f te spaghetti. -_-""
Oh. Also saw this picture at the menu at the restaurant I went.. They spelled pork wrongly. =O
Rush back home from family dinner and saw this cute little baby staring at me!! LOL!! took a picture when she is not looking.. Haha.
Something amazing to share, went through AMT and completed. Graduated from AMT!! sweet!! Grew so much from that 1 day!! :D hahaha! :) love my life so much!! :)
"it's not about the events or the test but it's about the experience you will take back when you leave the place."
About my story, maybe i will share when we meet face to face. :P haha. Or on the other hand, just stay tuned for more bits of stories!
Signing off from here!! Cya~
Cheers readers~~
Good night!!
[10.56am] - end of transmission...
A friend of mine request to know about my story.. :P hmm.. I think I will consider posting it all on my blog. :D
Lets see, let's start with the things that I have been doing. :P
Been all around Singapore delivering stuff. :P really tired but went to some awesome place and some interesting events. Haha. First up, i found this well in the middle of the whole shopping mall. ( Can't remember where is was and yes, it's real! ) The well is glowing with multiple colors when I went to take a look. :)
Went back to the company and had lunch with the stuff there. Saw this awesome looking (plus cute!!) cat at the coffee shop but couldn't take a picture of it.. :( it turned away when I tried to take a picture... ( Camera shy?? I think so =P )
Last Saturday(10th December 2011), went for a secondary school outing with my friends. It was totally awesome!! Went to Farrer park MRT to have lunch/dinner with them. Order the squid ink spaghetti.. Looks strange but tasted awesome! :D hahaha! LOL!! in the end my faces is black because f te spaghetti. -_-""
Oh. Also saw this picture at the menu at the restaurant I went.. They spelled pork wrongly. =O
Rush back home from family dinner and saw this cute little baby staring at me!! LOL!! took a picture when she is not looking.. Haha.
Something amazing to share, went through AMT and completed. Graduated from AMT!! sweet!! Grew so much from that 1 day!! :D hahaha! :) love my life so much!! :)
"it's not about the events or the test but it's about the experience you will take back when you leave the place."
About my story, maybe i will share when we meet face to face. :P haha. Or on the other hand, just stay tuned for more bits of stories!
Signing off from here!! Cya~
Cheers readers~~
Good night!!
[10.56am] - end of transmission...
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
29th November 2011
8.40pm
Blogging with my iPod touch..
On the way back from church again... So lonely... :|
Feeling sad though.. I wanna start work somewhere.. 1 more day before I become jobless....
Thank God for the peace in me.. I kinda feel so sorry for being bitter.
Uploaded a few photos... This is how my life went. :P went to eat one of those strange ice cream again.. This time is lime on the outside and vanilla on the inside.. :)
After that, saw that the office has this tissue box that has Doraemon faces!!!
In my mind I was like: "I want that so badly!!" but on the outside I was like: "oh. Wow that's nice. *whips out iPod to take pictures*
Went home and found out that my parents bought this pastry... (I can't remember the name!! I only remember that it has cream on the inside and chocolate at the top. :P).
The following day, woke up and I saw this beautiful sunrise and was so amazed.. Looking at such wonders made me really wonder about what my life would really be like without You..
I guess I would have even lived.. Thank You for believing me...
Some say that I only act holy and I am just hot air... Whatever~
Went to little India to deliver goods to customers.. The smell is just so... Hmm.. Unique. :P ( don't wanna start another race war)
That aside, gonna blog something else that's in my heart.
About what happen yesterday, was just really sad... My pay is way lower than any pay and I have a feeling of bitterness in my heart... =S
Feeling kinda cheated... :( sigh
Oh well, negative things again... Be gone!!! :D
Gonna sleep on the MRT.. bye~
Blogging with my iPod touch..
On the way back from church again... So lonely... :|
Feeling sad though.. I wanna start work somewhere.. 1 more day before I become jobless....
Thank God for the peace in me.. I kinda feel so sorry for being bitter.
Uploaded a few photos... This is how my life went. :P went to eat one of those strange ice cream again.. This time is lime on the outside and vanilla on the inside.. :)
After that, saw that the office has this tissue box that has Doraemon faces!!!
In my mind I was like: "I want that so badly!!" but on the outside I was like: "oh. Wow that's nice. *whips out iPod to take pictures*
Went home and found out that my parents bought this pastry... (I can't remember the name!! I only remember that it has cream on the inside and chocolate at the top. :P).
The following day, woke up and I saw this beautiful sunrise and was so amazed.. Looking at such wonders made me really wonder about what my life would really be like without You..
I guess I would have even lived.. Thank You for believing me...
Some say that I only act holy and I am just hot air... Whatever~
Went to little India to deliver goods to customers.. The smell is just so... Hmm.. Unique. :P ( don't wanna start another race war)
That aside, gonna blog something else that's in my heart.
About what happen yesterday, was just really sad... My pay is way lower than any pay and I have a feeling of bitterness in my heart... =S
Feeling kinda cheated... :( sigh
Oh well, negative things again... Be gone!!! :D
Gonna sleep on the MRT.. bye~
Friday, November 18, 2011
18th November 2011 (Dreams and Vision)
Blogging while on the way back from church. :)
Didn't go for prom night at all. Haha. Defeats the purpose of going since all my friends not going..
Didn't like the hypocrites there. So yeah..
That defeats the purpose totally for going to prom night. :P besides, will get bullied again..
Went to work since Thursday. Send off my leader on a Wednesday afternoon. Will miss Jun Zhou so much when he is gone though..
Good news:
-Became a CG admin. Can't wait to start. :)
-Can play guitar as much as I want. :D
-Got a job... Zzz I doubt that's a good news...
Bad news:
-I have become introverted... =.=
+(I have a serious problem with that..)
Oh well, the bad outweighs the good news so overall should be good..
Been feeling so faith filled since I shared my problems with leaders and God.. :)
Had this really cool ice cream that tasted like lime on the outside and vanilla on the inside.. simplicity at it's best. :D
Random thought:
I have started to realize that I have more girl friends than guy friends... -_-""
I can't get along with most guys in school...
I am glad that school finally ended.. Don't have to face persecution from people anymore. :)
Won't be angry at them.. Thank You God for teaching me how to love them... I have changed so much in this 1 year alone... So many incident that hurt me physically, mentally and emotionally...
Quote: ( My specific vision)
You shall love the lost and the broken. The person to give hope to the hopeless.
A person to heal the injured and help the helpless people... A healer to mend the broken people..
That was the words I heard from God.. He promised me that at the beginning of the year...
What I didn't know was that in order to understand a broken person, one must experience the pain and suffering of a broken person...
Guess I am not insane. I didn't lose my sanity... I made a strong friendship with people I don't even know I could ever made..
You win some, you learn some..
Learn from yesterday
Live for today
Hope for tomorrow
Cheers~
Been so amazed by God... Wow...
Oh well, long blog post here. Hmm... Maybe I should give it a title.. I only give titles to post that are significant to me... How about dreams and vision???
Cya all~ bye readers~
Didn't go for prom night at all. Haha. Defeats the purpose of going since all my friends not going..
Didn't like the hypocrites there. So yeah..
That defeats the purpose totally for going to prom night. :P besides, will get bullied again..
Went to work since Thursday. Send off my leader on a Wednesday afternoon. Will miss Jun Zhou so much when he is gone though..
Good news:
-Became a CG admin. Can't wait to start. :)
-Can play guitar as much as I want. :D
-Got a job... Zzz I doubt that's a good news...
Bad news:
-I have become introverted... =.=
+(I have a serious problem with that..)
Oh well, the bad outweighs the good news so overall should be good..
Been feeling so faith filled since I shared my problems with leaders and God.. :)
Had this really cool ice cream that tasted like lime on the outside and vanilla on the inside.. simplicity at it's best. :D
Random thought:
I have started to realize that I have more girl friends than guy friends... -_-""
I can't get along with most guys in school...
I am glad that school finally ended.. Don't have to face persecution from people anymore. :)
Won't be angry at them.. Thank You God for teaching me how to love them... I have changed so much in this 1 year alone... So many incident that hurt me physically, mentally and emotionally...
Quote: ( My specific vision)
You shall love the lost and the broken. The person to give hope to the hopeless.
A person to heal the injured and help the helpless people... A healer to mend the broken people..
That was the words I heard from God.. He promised me that at the beginning of the year...
What I didn't know was that in order to understand a broken person, one must experience the pain and suffering of a broken person...
Guess I am not insane. I didn't lose my sanity... I made a strong friendship with people I don't even know I could ever made..
You win some, you learn some..
Learn from yesterday
Live for today
Hope for tomorrow
Cheers~
Been so amazed by God... Wow...
Oh well, long blog post here. Hmm... Maybe I should give it a title.. I only give titles to post that are significant to me... How about dreams and vision???
Cya all~ bye readers~
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
12th November 2011 ( Remembrance)
On the way home now and taking this time to blog.
Pastor Kong came to preach today!!! Zai!! :)
Awesome service. I wanna do things more than what is expected of me!
These are the days where it really reminded and taught me the reason why I was in this church.
Really blessed to be HOGC.. When Lynette was preaching the Word. Amazing....
My revelation today:
We do not have to fully understand God to call upon His Name and use His power. I finally understand the reason now. The reason to why to go through all those injustice.
Went to church on Friday for a prayer meeting with James, Jun Zhou and Leon... Amazing faith filled people.. I feel so blessed...
My brothers in Christ....
I somehow feel so emotional today... Shucks... Lol
Listening to Paramore songs to drown myself with all the fears and doubts.
I can't stop having nightmares though... Time to express myself again.
A battle of valor
A fight of inequality
A conflict with my other 'self'
A war of loneliness
A clash of equal strength but unequal judgement
I don't wanna just survive anymore... I have enough of just barely scraping through!
I wanna WIN and not just survive!
You guys calling me arrogant have no idea what I have gone through.
Hmm... Oh my.. Being so... Better stop....
Cya~
Pastor Kong came to preach today!!! Zai!! :)
Awesome service. I wanna do things more than what is expected of me!
These are the days where it really reminded and taught me the reason why I was in this church.
Really blessed to be HOGC.. When Lynette was preaching the Word. Amazing....
My revelation today:
We do not have to fully understand God to call upon His Name and use His power. I finally understand the reason now. The reason to why to go through all those injustice.
Went to church on Friday for a prayer meeting with James, Jun Zhou and Leon... Amazing faith filled people.. I feel so blessed...
My brothers in Christ....
I somehow feel so emotional today... Shucks... Lol
Listening to Paramore songs to drown myself with all the fears and doubts.
I can't stop having nightmares though... Time to express myself again.
A battle of valor
A fight of inequality
A conflict with my other 'self'
A war of loneliness
A clash of equal strength but unequal judgement
I don't wanna just survive anymore... I have enough of just barely scraping through!
I wanna WIN and not just survive!
You guys calling me arrogant have no idea what I have gone through.
Hmm... Oh my.. Being so... Better stop....
Cya~
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
8 November 2011
7.30am
Blogging on my iPod touch now. On my way to work again...
Sleepy to the max uh!!! Woke up then my dad ask me work.... Only have like 5-6 hours sleep again. :(
Anyways, had a mind blowing weekend! Pastor Frazer Rowe and Bishop Dale Bronner came to our church to preach today!! Awesome! <3
Awesome weekend! Hahahaha! Feels as if I went for a outing the whole day. So happy. :)
Feeling like so... Ugh.. Groggy.. Feel like going back home to sleep. :P
Oh well, gonna blog later.
Cya~
8.36pm
So tired after my work shift. :( on my way home from work now. :)
Saw a dead cobra on the way to work. Thank God it didn't attack anyone. *Phew*
Anyway, working hours was extended by up to 12h today. Wonder if there is OT payment. :P
Was listening to the song Breathe by Taylor Swift. The lyrics remind me of the you back then.. Brings back sweet memories I had with you... Followed by the painful memories..
Those moments I had to go through when you suddenly ignored me and after 6 months. You treat it as if nothing happened... •__•
Now it feels hard to talk.. Such issues remained unsettled. Shucks. :P
Never conveyed this feeling to anyone before.. It just breaks my heart and breaks me down totally..
I don't wanna cry anymore.. I need to be strong. :)
I have my leaders that have been so supportive. :) thank you for writing those cards. ( LOL! writing this despite the fact that they won't be able to see it)
Cya~
Blogging on my iPod touch now. On my way to work again...
Sleepy to the max uh!!! Woke up then my dad ask me work.... Only have like 5-6 hours sleep again. :(
Anyways, had a mind blowing weekend! Pastor Frazer Rowe and Bishop Dale Bronner came to our church to preach today!! Awesome! <3
Awesome weekend! Hahahaha! Feels as if I went for a outing the whole day. So happy. :)
Feeling like so... Ugh.. Groggy.. Feel like going back home to sleep. :P
Oh well, gonna blog later.
Cya~
8.36pm
So tired after my work shift. :( on my way home from work now. :)
Saw a dead cobra on the way to work. Thank God it didn't attack anyone. *Phew*
Anyway, working hours was extended by up to 12h today. Wonder if there is OT payment. :P
Was listening to the song Breathe by Taylor Swift. The lyrics remind me of the you back then.. Brings back sweet memories I had with you... Followed by the painful memories..
Those moments I had to go through when you suddenly ignored me and after 6 months. You treat it as if nothing happened... •__•
Now it feels hard to talk.. Such issues remained unsettled. Shucks. :P
Never conveyed this feeling to anyone before.. It just breaks my heart and breaks me down totally..
I don't wanna cry anymore.. I need to be strong. :)
I have my leaders that have been so supportive. :) thank you for writing those cards. ( LOL! writing this despite the fact that they won't be able to see it)
Cya~
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
2nd Nobember 2011
A few more weeks to exams are finally over... Can't wait...
Who am I lying??? I seriously don't know why I have to go through this...
I had enough of people like you all!!!
Gotta remain calm... You guys are like dogs barking.. Irritating like mad. Usually I would ignore but you dogs started to bite...
My life is in a complete mess.. -_-""
Feeling so... Depressed...
I need You God...
Please show me how to worship and pray all over again....
This sucks...
If only time could rewind... I wouldn't have admitted to anyone that I liked you....... That was completely unnecessary..
Sudden flashbacks of you keep on flooding my mind.. How we would talk during class... Laughed with each other ..
Time to move on.. now we just small talk( if I am lucky)...
Seeing each other everyday but never once talked... This is stupid...
Stranger again...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSdELZxEnHY&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Time is the best medicine after all. Haha.
Wouldn't blame you for being like this.. If you are happy doing this then yeah..
I am just so sorry that I attempted to believe we could just be friends....
You become a leader... I have degraded...
Guess I was wrong to say that I am "on fire" for God.....
So depressed... Guess you will never read this post.. I know I will regret writing this post and someone is gonna read this and start the whole thing all over again.............
Being totally down today.. Can't shed tears...
Who am I lying??? I seriously don't know why I have to go through this...
I had enough of people like you all!!!
Gotta remain calm... You guys are like dogs barking.. Irritating like mad. Usually I would ignore but you dogs started to bite...
My life is in a complete mess.. -_-""
Feeling so... Depressed...
I need You God...
Please show me how to worship and pray all over again....
This sucks...
If only time could rewind... I wouldn't have admitted to anyone that I liked you....... That was completely unnecessary..
Sudden flashbacks of you keep on flooding my mind.. How we would talk during class... Laughed with each other ..
Time to move on.. now we just small talk( if I am lucky)...
Seeing each other everyday but never once talked... This is stupid...
Stranger again...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSdELZxEnHY&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Time is the best medicine after all. Haha.
Wouldn't blame you for being like this.. If you are happy doing this then yeah..
I am just so sorry that I attempted to believe we could just be friends....
You become a leader... I have degraded...
Guess I was wrong to say that I am "on fire" for God.....
So depressed... Guess you will never read this post.. I know I will regret writing this post and someone is gonna read this and start the whole thing all over again.............
Being totally down today.. Can't shed tears...
Thursday, October 13, 2011
13th October 2011
Blogging with my iPod touch. :) Thank God i still have this. :) my only source of communication and entertainment. Haha.
Went to work yesterday. Night shift drains the life outta me.
Some people asked me why. I could only say that it is out of lack of family allowance but the truth is that I have done it out of family obligation.
As much as I don't want to, I am becoming the next successor of my dad's business. I don't even speak proper Chinese yet he sees potential in me. -_-" I am not even vegetarian.
Anyways, Went to school and reach around 9am.
Only slept for approximately 5h+ I guess.
Feeling totally brain dead. Was expecting to complete all my worksheet but ended up teaching everyone that I only do 1 chemistry and 1 physics worksheet. -_-" 10 more to go. LOL!! :P
My leaders words:
"Edwin, remember the story of King David in the Bible? David had problems in his life yet God told everyone that David is a person after His heart. Remember that you don't have to be straight with Me, just walk with Me"
"Whenever you feel like letting go, remember that I will hold on to you and never forsaken you! Walk with Me! Lift up your problems to Me!!"
Went to work yesterday. Night shift drains the life outta me.
Some people asked me why. I could only say that it is out of lack of family allowance but the truth is that I have done it out of family obligation.
As much as I don't want to, I am becoming the next successor of my dad's business. I don't even speak proper Chinese yet he sees potential in me. -_-" I am not even vegetarian.
Anyways, Went to school and reach around 9am.
Only slept for approximately 5h+ I guess.
Feeling totally brain dead. Was expecting to complete all my worksheet but ended up teaching everyone that I only do 1 chemistry and 1 physics worksheet. -_-" 10 more to go. LOL!! :P
My leaders words:
"Edwin, remember the story of King David in the Bible? David had problems in his life yet God told everyone that David is a person after His heart. Remember that you don't have to be straight with Me, just walk with Me"
"Whenever you feel like letting go, remember that I will hold on to you and never forsaken you! Walk with Me! Lift up your problems to Me!!"
Sunday, October 9, 2011
9th October 2011
My road to no return
My world has been completely destroyed
A crossroad which bent and lead me into a trap of oblivion.
A oblivion where it will never end, the pain of emptiness...
I used to have (great) dreams and (real) hopes
Where the world didn't mean anything to me
A place where I could call it a sanctuary
I always thought the darkness inside of me could be subdued with the power of Light.
It turns out to be naive thinking.
A failed experiment will always be a failed experiment.
It doesn't change the fact that you are no different from crooks and evil people.
I want to have a hope again.. That feeling where I really started to believe.
Did I make a correct choice or was it just hallucination?
Oh such agony
To explain it would show the incompetence of me.
Why did such a person like me even existed?
It sounds easy to take a different path but it's difficult to leave due to the bridges I have burned...
What did I do wrong to deserve this?
What was I thinking to have hope? Great friends, awesome life, stable family?
I bring dishonor...
If I was dying, I don't deserve anyone to help me...
Well, I find it so hopeless to even blog about my pain and sadness.
being emo.... sad...
My world has been completely destroyed
A crossroad which bent and lead me into a trap of oblivion.
A oblivion where it will never end, the pain of emptiness...
I used to have (great) dreams and (real) hopes
Where the world didn't mean anything to me
A place where I could call it a sanctuary
I always thought the darkness inside of me could be subdued with the power of Light.
It turns out to be naive thinking.
A failed experiment will always be a failed experiment.
It doesn't change the fact that you are no different from crooks and evil people.
I want to have a hope again.. That feeling where I really started to believe.
Did I make a correct choice or was it just hallucination?
Oh such agony
To explain it would show the incompetence of me.
Why did such a person like me even existed?
It sounds easy to take a different path but it's difficult to leave due to the bridges I have burned...
What did I do wrong to deserve this?
What was I thinking to have hope? Great friends, awesome life, stable family?
I bring dishonor...
If I was dying, I don't deserve anyone to help me...
Well, I find it so hopeless to even blog about my pain and sadness.
being emo.... sad...
Friday, October 7, 2011
8th October 2011
10.05am
So sleepy.. Didn't have enough/too much sleep I guess. Feeling so... Hmm....
Finally graduation ceremony is over! I have technically graduated from Tanglin secondary. :)
After that went to give out cards to all my friends to wish them best of luck. Have been praying for them! God is a good God. :')
Strangely after that, I managed to find Ader and we talked about life. Wrote something personal from my heart. :)
I am so gonna miss the school and everyone who made me smile. Real friends in life who I can count on and depend.
Maybe I will finish this blog again after I come home from church.
:) signing off! :D
So sleepy.. Didn't have enough/too much sleep I guess. Feeling so... Hmm....
Finally graduation ceremony is over! I have technically graduated from Tanglin secondary. :)
After that went to give out cards to all my friends to wish them best of luck. Have been praying for them! God is a good God. :')
Strangely after that, I managed to find Ader and we talked about life. Wrote something personal from my heart. :)
I am so gonna miss the school and everyone who made me smile. Real friends in life who I can count on and depend.
Maybe I will finish this blog again after I come home from church.
:) signing off! :D
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
27th September 2011
Been updating this blog recently... So much that I have been doing it daily...
Hang out with the usual group of people... I don't think I have a group.. -_-"
I feel so wrong trying to explain myself but here goes.
With each day passing, I feel like the friendship within you and me starts to drift apart so much that now we both just small talk. :| I miss the time where I had fun with the group.. Now it feels like there is no trust towards me anymore. :(
A few days ago had a really fierce encounter with FYY and LLZ. ( not going to list out their name but those who know, keep it a secret yeah?)
FYY: walao! You see this. Christian only help Christian then other people you don't care and act so coldly.
Me: what?? No way! You don't any how. Haha.
LLZ: You bring dishonor to Christian sia. Always hold hatred towards people, still act like you very holy....
Me: (Offended but keep controlled myself and spoke calmly) What? Eh? What I do? Then you leh?
LLZ: Unlike you, I talk with everyone and I have good relationship with everyone cause I CHOSE LOVE! I don't hold grudge against anyone and I love people people regardless of who they are!
Me: (Smiling) oh.. Haha..
That was how the conversation goes... It went downhill from there on..
On the inside, I was shattered... I started to wonder what did I wrong to deserve Christians to even persecute me? Didn't you do enough damage to me?
I did love people. I try to be fair towards everyone. I know that I make mistake but to other people you guys think it's okay. However, when I make a mistake, you all treat it like it's a crime that is fit for a death sentence.
I tried explaining to you guys but you all already have that prejudice against me? What more can I do?
I really feel that I am stupid... I was the person to cause this due to my unwise decision. I am really sorry...
Hang out with the usual group of people... I don't think I have a group.. -_-"
I feel so wrong trying to explain myself but here goes.
With each day passing, I feel like the friendship within you and me starts to drift apart so much that now we both just small talk. :| I miss the time where I had fun with the group.. Now it feels like there is no trust towards me anymore. :(
A few days ago had a really fierce encounter with FYY and LLZ. ( not going to list out their name but those who know, keep it a secret yeah?)
FYY: walao! You see this. Christian only help Christian then other people you don't care and act so coldly.
Me: what?? No way! You don't any how. Haha.
LLZ: You bring dishonor to Christian sia. Always hold hatred towards people, still act like you very holy....
Me: (Offended but keep controlled myself and spoke calmly) What? Eh? What I do? Then you leh?
LLZ: Unlike you, I talk with everyone and I have good relationship with everyone cause I CHOSE LOVE! I don't hold grudge against anyone and I love people people regardless of who they are!
Me: (Smiling) oh.. Haha..
That was how the conversation goes... It went downhill from there on..
On the inside, I was shattered... I started to wonder what did I wrong to deserve Christians to even persecute me? Didn't you do enough damage to me?
I did love people. I try to be fair towards everyone. I know that I make mistake but to other people you guys think it's okay. However, when I make a mistake, you all treat it like it's a crime that is fit for a death sentence.
I tried explaining to you guys but you all already have that prejudice against me? What more can I do?
I really feel that I am stupid... I was the person to cause this due to my unwise decision. I am really sorry...
Saturday, September 24, 2011
24th September 2011
7.14pm
Blogging using my IPod touch. On my way back from service. Had a outing after service and went to parkway parade. Went to have lunch and them hanging out at the food. Kinda normal day.
I just feel something really different after that prayer meeting. I just feel like something has ignited in my heart.
During that prayer meeting, something tell me that I should pray at the top of my lungs. I had this sudden urge and I obeyed. That brought the Presence of God down. =O
Had a really strange revelation. Do 't even know if it's mine or just copied from someone...
"Edwin, walk with Me. Lift up your problems to me and obey me once more. Use your talent once more for me. Don't abandon it"
Today Dominic Leong perched about commitment. That really somewhat like the same revelation to what I experienced at the prayer meeting.. =O
Oh my... Getting to spiritual again.. :|
Better not talk too much.
Always people keep complaining that I am a hypocrite.. That feeling that I brought dishonor... Never been sleeping properly for like 10 consecutive nights. :(
The intensity of the nightmare is starting to take a huge toll on me..
Darn.. From emo to emotionless.. :| sigh..
Anyways, had a really fun time talking to people especially Edwin Wee. Haha. (yep! Same name as me!!) called me saying that he missed me. That really made my day. Hahaha! Love people like that. XD
<3
Gotta play the guitar the moment I reach home. Wahaha. :)
My friend's guitar has become a part of me. :) lol. Must touch it at least once a day. Haha.
Oh. Also SMS Swee Kheng yesterday. Awesome SMS chat. Haha. She never fail to cheer me up. So funny! ^-^ haha!
Lol! I am sounding like a gay by writing this huh?? Not interested?? please leave quietly. :|
Having problems expressing and explaining my problems to people. Sad.. :(
10.36pm
I miss talking to my old friends.. I wanna remain positive!
Only expressing my problems through blogs. Haha.
Oh well, bye! :)
Blogging using my IPod touch. On my way back from service. Had a outing after service and went to parkway parade. Went to have lunch and them hanging out at the food. Kinda normal day.
I just feel something really different after that prayer meeting. I just feel like something has ignited in my heart.
During that prayer meeting, something tell me that I should pray at the top of my lungs. I had this sudden urge and I obeyed. That brought the Presence of God down. =O
Had a really strange revelation. Do 't even know if it's mine or just copied from someone...
"Edwin, walk with Me. Lift up your problems to me and obey me once more. Use your talent once more for me. Don't abandon it"
Today Dominic Leong perched about commitment. That really somewhat like the same revelation to what I experienced at the prayer meeting.. =O
Oh my... Getting to spiritual again.. :|
Better not talk too much.
Always people keep complaining that I am a hypocrite.. That feeling that I brought dishonor... Never been sleeping properly for like 10 consecutive nights. :(
The intensity of the nightmare is starting to take a huge toll on me..
Darn.. From emo to emotionless.. :| sigh..
Anyways, had a really fun time talking to people especially Edwin Wee. Haha. (yep! Same name as me!!) called me saying that he missed me. That really made my day. Hahaha! Love people like that. XD
<3
Gotta play the guitar the moment I reach home. Wahaha. :)
My friend's guitar has become a part of me. :) lol. Must touch it at least once a day. Haha.
Oh. Also SMS Swee Kheng yesterday. Awesome SMS chat. Haha. She never fail to cheer me up. So funny! ^-^ haha!
Lol! I am sounding like a gay by writing this huh?? Not interested?? please leave quietly. :|
Having problems expressing and explaining my problems to people. Sad.. :(
10.36pm
I miss talking to my old friends.. I wanna remain positive!
Only expressing my problems through blogs. Haha.
Oh well, bye! :)
Friday, September 23, 2011
23rd September 2011
6.50am now. On my way to school now.. Woke up at 3am and started to study at 3.30am.
Studied till 5 then went back to sleep.
Sounds very lifeless huh?? Can agree with that though. Haha. XD
Couldn't sleep due to some nightmares that I have been having now. The intensive feeling just keeps growing..
Will blog later I guess. Can't gather my thoughts now.. :|
7.33pm
Had a really awesome time going all the to pasir ris to Celebrate Ben's birthday. Awesome time playing with his Guinea pig named Guinea. :P
Haha. Awesome day. Too bad O levels starting really soon. Need to buckle up and rush home do my study rule. As of now, I have 5.5 hours more before I can come church. =O need to rush home now!!! Hope I don't blow my curfew again! :(
I wonder if there is any strong coffee at home. :P
Studied till 5 then went back to sleep.
Sounds very lifeless huh?? Can agree with that though. Haha. XD
Couldn't sleep due to some nightmares that I have been having now. The intensive feeling just keeps growing..
Will blog later I guess. Can't gather my thoughts now.. :|
7.33pm
Had a really awesome time going all the to pasir ris to Celebrate Ben's birthday. Awesome time playing with his Guinea pig named Guinea. :P
Haha. Awesome day. Too bad O levels starting really soon. Need to buckle up and rush home do my study rule. As of now, I have 5.5 hours more before I can come church. =O need to rush home now!!! Hope I don't blow my curfew again! :(
I wonder if there is any strong coffee at home. :P
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
21st September 2011
Blogging while on the way home from school. Had a really awesome and simple with Sze Hao and Shahrin after our Prelims ended. (Yes! You didn't read it wrongly, it ended!!! :D wohoo!!! )
Anyways, Chinese paper was difficult like mad.. :P haiyo. :( oh well..
Took some funny pictures while shopping with them. No offense guys? Found this at Cold Storage.
Hmm.. Something about myself.. Well, was a depressed yesterday and this morning but feeling much better now. Kinda miss the times where I would wake up and see a new message when I actually wake up early. :| haha. (3am to be exact)
Feels like I am not obeying His commandments. :( Got this revelation a few months ago but didn't think it meant anything until now.
Do you want God to be another chapter in your life or do you want Him to become your lifestory??
Oh well, signing off! :D Results tomorrow!!! :D
Anyways, Chinese paper was difficult like mad.. :P haiyo. :( oh well..
Took some funny pictures while shopping with them. No offense guys? Found this at Cold Storage.
Hmm.. Something about myself.. Well, was a depressed yesterday and this morning but feeling much better now. Kinda miss the times where I would wake up and see a new message when I actually wake up early. :| haha. (3am to be exact)
Feels like I am not obeying His commandments. :( Got this revelation a few months ago but didn't think it meant anything until now.
Do you want God to be another chapter in your life or do you want Him to become your lifestory??
Oh well, signing off! :D Results tomorrow!!! :D
Saturday, September 17, 2011
17th September 2011
Went to work today... Now blogging on the way home.. :( I wanted to go church today but my dad is sick till the point that I need to look after his business. Oh man... Feeling so tired now... Sigh..
Couldn't sleep this morning. Been having nightmares.. I feel really scared now.. Those feelings felt so real. Keep having flashbacks for some reason..
Yesterday was having my food and nutrition Prelims exam. Was thinking about someone for no reason halfway through my exams.. Of all people, why her??? >.< Aiyo!!! Better not think about it. Haha..
Anyways, was working and I ended up injuring my left knee again.. Ouch... Kicked against the car when I tried to get in.. Now my leg is in pain....
Ouchy!!! Came back only around 3pm to eat the ice cream. :) awesome!!! But so tired.. Hmm... Oh well..
Been having so many exams lately. Got 1 incident I wanna share though.. Came to school early as i wanted to study but the security guard confiscated my pass and marked me late for coming to school 5 hours early. =O
Tried to explain to the guard that I had exams but he told me it was OM's order. In my mind I was stunned! Lucky Mr Lim was there to save the day. (hip-hip hooray!) LOL! XD
I notice I am being very childish. I apologize uh!! Sorry!
Anyways, the papers so far felt kinda easy. Wish I was hardworking back then and studied. :( really wanted to go express class. Sad.
Oh well... Still very down and depressed.. Was hoping someone would drop a SMS and ask how I am doing. Better not to ask for help. =X
I have a really strong feeling that my CG and I are not very connected.. Oh my! Shouldn't think like this.. I wanna show God's love to other people!! =)
Still thinking about what he said every time I someone talks to me about God's love.. Those words echo through my mind all the time...
"You never have God's love which is why you can never love other people.."
Words have huge impact... Never say something without thinking twice. Once words are said, they can never return and before you know it, the damage or impact is done..
"I really feel that you are arrogant and that you have pride in your life"
Another sentence that got carved into my life... :(
I am so sorry... :( I feel that I don't even push hard enough.. I wanna change.. I don't wanna ignore His calling.
Couldn't sleep this morning. Been having nightmares.. I feel really scared now.. Those feelings felt so real. Keep having flashbacks for some reason..
Yesterday was having my food and nutrition Prelims exam. Was thinking about someone for no reason halfway through my exams.. Of all people, why her??? >.< Aiyo!!! Better not think about it. Haha..
Anyways, was working and I ended up injuring my left knee again.. Ouch... Kicked against the car when I tried to get in.. Now my leg is in pain....
Ouchy!!! Came back only around 3pm to eat the ice cream. :) awesome!!! But so tired.. Hmm... Oh well..
Been having so many exams lately. Got 1 incident I wanna share though.. Came to school early as i wanted to study but the security guard confiscated my pass and marked me late for coming to school 5 hours early. =O
Tried to explain to the guard that I had exams but he told me it was OM's order. In my mind I was stunned! Lucky Mr Lim was there to save the day. (hip-hip hooray!) LOL! XD
I notice I am being very childish. I apologize uh!! Sorry!
Anyways, the papers so far felt kinda easy. Wish I was hardworking back then and studied. :( really wanted to go express class. Sad.
Oh well... Still very down and depressed.. Was hoping someone would drop a SMS and ask how I am doing. Better not to ask for help. =X
I have a really strong feeling that my CG and I are not very connected.. Oh my! Shouldn't think like this.. I wanna show God's love to other people!! =)
Still thinking about what he said every time I someone talks to me about God's love.. Those words echo through my mind all the time...
"You never have God's love which is why you can never love other people.."
Words have huge impact... Never say something without thinking twice. Once words are said, they can never return and before you know it, the damage or impact is done..
"I really feel that you are arrogant and that you have pride in your life"
Another sentence that got carved into my life... :(
I am so sorry... :( I feel that I don't even push hard enough.. I wanna change.. I don't wanna ignore His calling.
Friday, September 16, 2011
16th September 2011
I feel very weak and exposed now that I have revealed my weakness to my leaders.... I really feel very scared and so insecure this time round...
Gotta stop thinking so much... I wanna go zone F tomorrow. God I pray for your healing to be upon my dad. I pray that he won't fall sick and You will have divine protection over his life. In Jesus name I pray, Amen...
Really feeling emotional and empty... Not going to blog today I guess..
Gotta stop thinking so much... I wanna go zone F tomorrow. God I pray for your healing to be upon my dad. I pray that he won't fall sick and You will have divine protection over his life. In Jesus name I pray, Amen...
Really feeling emotional and empty... Not going to blog today I guess..
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
13 September 2011
Such a depressing and terrible day....
It really feels as if nobody cared about me at all...
I guess I really don't deserve anyone's love in the first place.
I didn't chose to become like this.. I was born this way. I suffered too much that I lost myself.. I sold everything I had to stay alive till now... What makes you think I will break down this easily???
Sometimes I feel like converting my sadness into anger but I didn't for I really fear the fact that I will lose myself again...
I was taught to fight for justice.... But the truth was that justice never existed...
It really feels as if nobody cared about me at all...
I guess I really don't deserve anyone's love in the first place.
I didn't chose to become like this.. I was born this way. I suffered too much that I lost myself.. I sold everything I had to stay alive till now... What makes you think I will break down this easily???
Sometimes I feel like converting my sadness into anger but I didn't for I really fear the fact that I will lose myself again...
I was taught to fight for justice.... But the truth was that justice never existed...
Thursday, September 8, 2011
8 September 2011
Blogging while on the way home. Went to ECP to cycle with my CG. Totally awesome. :)
Meet some great friends and some 'special' friends.. =O
Lol... I think I am being bad by saying that.. :P haha.
Anyway, had a really great time with them. Cycled with them to Changi (only made it half cause of time constrains. :P ) and had dinner with them.
I just found out recently that Cheryl Chan is leading F1. =O surprised ttvm.. Haha! lol!
Now on the way rushing to NUH to meet with my uncle ( my mother's brother). Kinda shocked that he had a heart attack again. Oh my.. Praying for him. Hope that everything will be alright..
Something about myself, I had this terrible thought that I wanna cut myself yesterday. :( I can't believe I still have that thought... The last time I had this was when I was in primary school.... :(
I am feeling quite desperate now..... What did I do wrong this time round??? Everything seems so perfect from secondary 1... Now it all collapse completely.... Lost my only best friend and relentless attacks from people. I really feel cornered by circumstances... I know small people complain.. I better not complain....
I just wish that I would pull through this valley... I am feeling hurt... I keep disobeying His commandments. Why??? My brother's situation is getting from bad to worse... Is it because me?? Darn...
Life sucks as of now.. Sigh... Nobody understands me.... Not even myself... I think I just wanna ask Sam for her opinion...
Anyways, Swee Kheng introduce me to a song which I like so much. Song that saved my life by Simple Plan. Such a meaningful song. Gonna practice this song on the guitar during my free time. In the mean time, I just wanna practice Heart Of Worship and Freedom We Know or Happy Day. (can't decide which song to practice!!!) :)
Meet some great friends and some 'special' friends.. =O
Lol... I think I am being bad by saying that.. :P haha.
Anyway, had a really great time with them. Cycled with them to Changi (only made it half cause of time constrains. :P ) and had dinner with them.
I just found out recently that Cheryl Chan is leading F1. =O surprised ttvm.. Haha! lol!
Now on the way rushing to NUH to meet with my uncle ( my mother's brother). Kinda shocked that he had a heart attack again. Oh my.. Praying for him. Hope that everything will be alright..
Something about myself, I had this terrible thought that I wanna cut myself yesterday. :( I can't believe I still have that thought... The last time I had this was when I was in primary school.... :(
I am feeling quite desperate now..... What did I do wrong this time round??? Everything seems so perfect from secondary 1... Now it all collapse completely.... Lost my only best friend and relentless attacks from people. I really feel cornered by circumstances... I know small people complain.. I better not complain....
I just wish that I would pull through this valley... I am feeling hurt... I keep disobeying His commandments. Why??? My brother's situation is getting from bad to worse... Is it because me?? Darn...
Life sucks as of now.. Sigh... Nobody understands me.... Not even myself... I think I just wanna ask Sam for her opinion...
Anyways, Swee Kheng introduce me to a song which I like so much. Song that saved my life by Simple Plan. Such a meaningful song. Gonna practice this song on the guitar during my free time. In the mean time, I just wanna practice Heart Of Worship and Freedom We Know or Happy Day. (can't decide which song to practice!!!) :)
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
7th September 2011
Quick post before going back to study.....
Listening to back to December made me have flashbacks of her.... :(
Should have just deleted that song.. D: oh well,
I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life? Tell me, how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while
You've been good, busier than ever
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up, and I know why
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses, and I left them there to die
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December all the time
These days, I haven't been sleeping
Staying up, playing back myself leaving
When your birthday passed, and I didn't call
Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side
And realized I loved you in the fall
And then the cold came, the dark days
When fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love, and all I gave you was goodbye
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time
I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry
Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right
I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand
This is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time, all the time
Listening to back to December made me have flashbacks of her.... :(
Should have just deleted that song.. D: oh well,
I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life? Tell me, how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while
You've been good, busier than ever
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up, and I know why
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses, and I left them there to die
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December all the time
These days, I haven't been sleeping
Staying up, playing back myself leaving
When your birthday passed, and I didn't call
Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side
And realized I loved you in the fall
And then the cold came, the dark days
When fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love, and all I gave you was goodbye
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time
I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry
Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right
I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand
This is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time, all the time
Thursday, September 1, 2011
2nd September 2011
I just realized that I will always blog only when I have a problem in life...
Parents yesterday had a fierce argument. I don't know the reason why...
I only know that my mother yesterday was having a mood swing yesterday.
Instead of being sad last time, I choose to hold my tears back. I didn't want to be send back to IMH again....
Talked to Swee Kheng abaout it. nothing much to blog about..
Had a outing with Adrian, Ryan, Ming Zhi and Cheston yesterday. The outing felt so different this time round. I lost such a friend and now, I just feel that Ryan is not the same person I once knew... It just feels so awkward trying to salvage the friendship.
I want to integrate Adrian and Sze Hao but Because of him, I lost their trust altogether...
I have lost trust with him and with that, I have lost the group of friends that I have.... I want to tell them that I don't think I can do it but well, I believe that God is there for me. I won't stop believing
This are the times in life where I just wanna scream and shout out my anger..
Now, blogging with my laptop... My mother is packing her luggage and moving away this time. I really hope that she doesn't come back this time round... I really have no hope for my parents... It so messed up.
My brother is a atheist while my dad is a Buddhist pastor. Technically, I am supposed to be the successor of my dad but I chose to become a Christan... I sometimes wonder why I did that when I had such a secure future...
I wanna cry out to God.... please give me the strength to pull through it... can I love you again like my first time??
Parents yesterday had a fierce argument. I don't know the reason why...
I only know that my mother yesterday was having a mood swing yesterday.
Instead of being sad last time, I choose to hold my tears back. I didn't want to be send back to IMH again....
Talked to Swee Kheng abaout it. nothing much to blog about..
Had a outing with Adrian, Ryan, Ming Zhi and Cheston yesterday. The outing felt so different this time round. I lost such a friend and now, I just feel that Ryan is not the same person I once knew... It just feels so awkward trying to salvage the friendship.
I want to integrate Adrian and Sze Hao but Because of him, I lost their trust altogether...
I have lost trust with him and with that, I have lost the group of friends that I have.... I want to tell them that I don't think I can do it but well, I believe that God is there for me. I won't stop believing
This are the times in life where I just wanna scream and shout out my anger..
Now, blogging with my laptop... My mother is packing her luggage and moving away this time. I really hope that she doesn't come back this time round... I really have no hope for my parents... It so messed up.
My brother is a atheist while my dad is a Buddhist pastor. Technically, I am supposed to be the successor of my dad but I chose to become a Christan... I sometimes wonder why I did that when I had such a secure future...
I wanna cry out to God.... please give me the strength to pull through it... can I love you again like my first time??
Sunday, August 28, 2011
29th August 2011
The talk with my CGL really helped me lifted up my burdens. I shared with him my personal problems and he really guided me with advices and encouragement.
I learned that emotions cannot be controlled but can be channeled to other area. That is from my CGL. It really impacted me. I want to channel that energy to another area. The area of playing the guitar for God. I wanna give my guitar skills to glorify Him. Never self condemn yourself for the past mistakes.... let go and break free.
Really thank everyone for the continuous support and encouragement. I wanna mention a few names especially.
Samantha Ng:
A person who never stop giving me advice even though she didn't have to. A person who is a strong woman of God. A person that really inspire me to become a Christian. I really amazed that I have such a friend. Haha. She would always quote Bible verses to encouragement me. That's really amazing.
Swee Kheng:
A person who never fails to cheer me up. Just SMSing her would make me smile. She is like a friend who would be there when I am completely down and somewhat make me smile. haha! A really amazing friend. :) So cheerful and yet funny person to be with.
My CGL for taking the time to know more about my life and my problems. I really should inform my leader who is directly leading me.
He prayed for me and encouraged me despite the fact that he had a really tight schedule. I am amazed that I have such a amazing leader who would take time to sow in my life.
I will change for him. No more being emotional.
This is my life, I will crush Satan down with my strengths.
For the cause by Planetshakers
For the cause of Christ
I will lay down my life
For the cause of Christ I will stand
I will give my all to
Give Him glory
For the cause of Christ I live
You gave your all for me
Came as you’re answering to set me free
Love so amazing give up
Your blood shared on Calvary for all man kind
I stand in awe
Of the wonder of your love
I stand in awe of you
For the cause of Christ
I will lay down my life
For the cause of Christ I will stand
I will give my all to
Give Him glory
For the cause of Christ I live
I will worship
Jesus my King of all glory
I learned that emotions cannot be controlled but can be channeled to other area. That is from my CGL. It really impacted me. I want to channel that energy to another area. The area of playing the guitar for God. I wanna give my guitar skills to glorify Him. Never self condemn yourself for the past mistakes.... let go and break free.
Really thank everyone for the continuous support and encouragement. I wanna mention a few names especially.
Samantha Ng:
A person who never stop giving me advice even though she didn't have to. A person who is a strong woman of God. A person that really inspire me to become a Christian. I really amazed that I have such a friend. Haha. She would always quote Bible verses to encouragement me. That's really amazing.
Swee Kheng:
A person who never fails to cheer me up. Just SMSing her would make me smile. She is like a friend who would be there when I am completely down and somewhat make me smile. haha! A really amazing friend. :) So cheerful and yet funny person to be with.
My CGL for taking the time to know more about my life and my problems. I really should inform my leader who is directly leading me.
He prayed for me and encouraged me despite the fact that he had a really tight schedule. I am amazed that I have such a amazing leader who would take time to sow in my life.
I will change for him. No more being emotional.
This is my life, I will crush Satan down with my strengths.
For the cause by Planetshakers
For the cause of Christ
I will lay down my life
For the cause of Christ I will stand
I will give my all to
Give Him glory
For the cause of Christ I live
You gave your all for me
Came as you’re answering to set me free
Love so amazing give up
Your blood shared on Calvary for all man kind
I stand in awe
Of the wonder of your love
I stand in awe of you
For the cause of Christ
I will lay down my life
For the cause of Christ I will stand
I will give my all to
Give Him glory
For the cause of Christ I live
I will worship
Jesus my King of all glory
Saturday, August 27, 2011
28th August 2011
Back after so long... Gonna finish up on my notes before sending it to people... I am not going to send to everyone..
I miss my old friends... Why did you reject me?
I think this would be my last day in church.. before I am letting go.. I hope the talk with my CGL would help me for the better...
is the person avoiding me? It seems as though the friends I tried to help even avoided me... life sucks for me now...
I keep getting attacked.. I feel like giving up my life... My only hopes are shattered. :C
I miss my old friends... Why did you reject me?
I think this would be my last day in church.. before I am letting go.. I hope the talk with my CGL would help me for the better...
is the person avoiding me? It seems as though the friends I tried to help even avoided me... life sucks for me now...
I keep getting attacked.. I feel like giving up my life... My only hopes are shattered. :C
Verse 1
Your Love will never fail me
Your name it calms my every sea
Forever, my King forever
My God is bigger than the storm
Beat down the death & won the war
Forever, my King forever
Pre Chorus
You’re leaning with me through the bends
& You carry me when I give in
Chorus
When my seas are raging no I’m not letting go
If my heart is caving you hold me up with the cross
When my colours fade you paint me with your love
Oh my fear has hit the ground I see through the storm
Sunday, August 14, 2011
15th August 2011
Service last Saturday with Pastor Sy Rogers is impacting and powerful.. I can't believe that I learn so much just by listening to him preach.
Oh well, Let's not get too spiritual talking about church.. I wanna share something that is really burning me right now. I hope I don't get too emo or sad again...
Well, 1 of the reason why I am feeling so sad now is not because I lost my friends in school, but because of the fact I had to face bullies in schools. It's quite ironic huh? I am so big sized and strong yet to be bullied by people.. Haha.. Ironic it is.. Well, I would want to write out their names here but not gonna spell it out. Just their initials.
(TBC and GYT)
(TBC)
I had enough of them trying to bully me... I don't like it when he try to punch me and be a total jerk to me for no apparent reason....
Always inflicting wounds on me ( both physical and emotional) just because I care... What's wrong with being a top student?
I can still remember national day which is recently. I am just trying to have fun only and I didn't notice that I was blocking your way. Instead of saying excuse me like you would to other people, you land a blow on my back which was still injured and ask me to "F**** off!"
When you actually did that, I was smiling but deep within my heart, I was getting ready to fight back. I clench my fist so tightly and charged up my strength waiting for a striking range.. I waited for the correct timing trying to hit your vital points but strangely, I couldn't perform it...
I let lose my fist knowing that I shouldn't do it...
I know that I won't let my other self take over me... I just felt that I shouldn't do it.. I know that I shouldn't blame you for treating me like this..
(GYT)
I don't have any idea how I offended you, I am just talking to people when all of a sudden you just ask me to "shut the F**** up" foe no reason. I am sharing my life with someone and all you say is that...
I also noticed a long time ago that you had been avoiding me.
Look here, I sincerely apologize if there is any problems with me. I know I am not perfect but I don't think I need such a treatment..
I know that I am arrogant but I am trying to change.. How long do you have to do this to me?
I don't know what to do know... Who can I really approach? I don't really know.. Sad. :(
Am I really that hated by people this much? am I really that obnoxious?
Oh well, Let's not get too spiritual talking about church.. I wanna share something that is really burning me right now. I hope I don't get too emo or sad again...
Well, 1 of the reason why I am feeling so sad now is not because I lost my friends in school, but because of the fact I had to face bullies in schools. It's quite ironic huh? I am so big sized and strong yet to be bullied by people.. Haha.. Ironic it is.. Well, I would want to write out their names here but not gonna spell it out. Just their initials.
(TBC and GYT)
(TBC)
I had enough of them trying to bully me... I don't like it when he try to punch me and be a total jerk to me for no apparent reason....
Always inflicting wounds on me ( both physical and emotional) just because I care... What's wrong with being a top student?
I can still remember national day which is recently. I am just trying to have fun only and I didn't notice that I was blocking your way. Instead of saying excuse me like you would to other people, you land a blow on my back which was still injured and ask me to "F**** off!"
When you actually did that, I was smiling but deep within my heart, I was getting ready to fight back. I clench my fist so tightly and charged up my strength waiting for a striking range.. I waited for the correct timing trying to hit your vital points but strangely, I couldn't perform it...
I let lose my fist knowing that I shouldn't do it...
I know that I won't let my other self take over me... I just felt that I shouldn't do it.. I know that I shouldn't blame you for treating me like this..
(GYT)
I don't have any idea how I offended you, I am just talking to people when all of a sudden you just ask me to "shut the F**** up" foe no reason. I am sharing my life with someone and all you say is that...
I also noticed a long time ago that you had been avoiding me.
Look here, I sincerely apologize if there is any problems with me. I know I am not perfect but I don't think I need such a treatment..
I know that I am arrogant but I am trying to change.. How long do you have to do this to me?
I don't know what to do know... Who can I really approach? I don't really know.. Sad. :(
Am I really that hated by people this much? am I really that obnoxious?
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
4th August 2011
Holding everything together... Barely scraping through...
God is real....
Trying to love again...
Trying to be myself...
Trying to fight for what I believe in....
Trying.... Am I really trying??
Sigh.....
Friends and family support?? Never had any in the first place.........
Friends abandon people who are in needs and only celebrate if I had a achievement..
Family would just speak death into me and just highlight my flaws. When I do achieve something MYSELF, you both ( well, it's only her but he is forced into it) would just come in and claim MY achievement as your hard work...
I won't be so gullible next time......
6.52pm
Finally feeling so great.. :) music is my life.. Thank you for the support... :)
Serving in FOP. Can't wait.. Too excited!! LOL!!!
Note to self:
This will be the last time I will smile for anyone.. From today onwards, I will have zero sympathy for my classmates.. The only people that I will smile would be my friends..
There has been rumors that someone in my class likes me.. Stop spreading wrg information... -_-" sheesh.. Why would anyone like in me?? I have poor attitude plus I not rich or handsome lo... Lol...
God is real....
Trying to love again...
Trying to be myself...
Trying to fight for what I believe in....
Trying.... Am I really trying??
Sigh.....
Friends and family support?? Never had any in the first place.........
Friends abandon people who are in needs and only celebrate if I had a achievement..
Family would just speak death into me and just highlight my flaws. When I do achieve something MYSELF, you both ( well, it's only her but he is forced into it) would just come in and claim MY achievement as your hard work...
I won't be so gullible next time......
6.52pm
Finally feeling so great.. :) music is my life.. Thank you for the support... :)
Serving in FOP. Can't wait.. Too excited!! LOL!!!
Note to self:
This will be the last time I will smile for anyone.. From today onwards, I will have zero sympathy for my classmates.. The only people that I will smile would be my friends..
There has been rumors that someone in my class likes me.. Stop spreading wrg information... -_-" sheesh.. Why would anyone like in me?? I have poor attitude plus I not rich or handsome lo... Lol...
3rd August 2011
This ain't what I wanted in life... This ain't what I expected... Death of a dream?? I hope so... Not in the mood to even blog about it...
Haiz...
Can't cry but can't smile..
My greatest needs are family and Friends support... I don't even have that.. How pathetic...
Getting very emotional... Maybe I should just blog about it and forget about talking...
Been so hurt... Let's just rewind those few moments where I have..
Ever since the break up of LL and RS, things didn't went well in my life... The fact that RS doesn't trust me and the fact that he made a complete change for the worse...
In my mind, I was told not to get myself into trouble... But in my heart, it told me to give compassion and help... Why did I do it??? I have no idea...
Ever since then... I broke off with that clique of peeps. ( Well, just RS and not the rest)
I tried to pull other friends from their side over but I failed... :(
My family at home would always quarrel and argue... I would always make mistakes in pastoral work and I would always end up with nothing while my friends would just rise up...
Hanging out with Christian friend like LZ didn't help much... Why would anyone laugh at pain and sadness?? Why would you call yourself a Christian???
Persecution are so painful especially if it comes from your very own brother and family... How much more do you want from me???
I tried to wake up early to study hard.. I know I am running out of time now... I hate myself... Help pls... I wanna just let someone know my pain.. I burned myself this time...
Can anyone understand my pain??? Only God does but who else???
My life is so perfect... Still.... I wanna give my best..
I am feeling crushed.... I don't dare to share my pain to my leaders for fear of being discipled by them and remove from pastoral altogether....
I wanna commit myself to church....
They once told me this...
Emotions are just hormones and information that are fired into the brain when the body reacts to circumstances around himself both physically and mentally. It is possible if given the correct condition, the mind can cease to ignore emotion.. By then, a strong logical with high IQ and EQ would conquer anything and anyone..
One of the most effective catalyst would be solitude living condition.
Well, it used to be true for me but as time went by... I can't stop ignoring my emotions... My emotions are hindering my judgement...
I cannot cry infront of anyone... Not ever...
I wish I have someone remembering me when I die....
Haiz...
Can't cry but can't smile..
My greatest needs are family and Friends support... I don't even have that.. How pathetic...
Getting very emotional... Maybe I should just blog about it and forget about talking...
Been so hurt... Let's just rewind those few moments where I have..
Ever since the break up of LL and RS, things didn't went well in my life... The fact that RS doesn't trust me and the fact that he made a complete change for the worse...
In my mind, I was told not to get myself into trouble... But in my heart, it told me to give compassion and help... Why did I do it??? I have no idea...
Ever since then... I broke off with that clique of peeps. ( Well, just RS and not the rest)
I tried to pull other friends from their side over but I failed... :(
My family at home would always quarrel and argue... I would always make mistakes in pastoral work and I would always end up with nothing while my friends would just rise up...
Hanging out with Christian friend like LZ didn't help much... Why would anyone laugh at pain and sadness?? Why would you call yourself a Christian???
Persecution are so painful especially if it comes from your very own brother and family... How much more do you want from me???
I tried to wake up early to study hard.. I know I am running out of time now... I hate myself... Help pls... I wanna just let someone know my pain.. I burned myself this time...
Can anyone understand my pain??? Only God does but who else???
My life is so perfect... Still.... I wanna give my best..
I am feeling crushed.... I don't dare to share my pain to my leaders for fear of being discipled by them and remove from pastoral altogether....
I wanna commit myself to church....
They once told me this...
Emotions are just hormones and information that are fired into the brain when the body reacts to circumstances around himself both physically and mentally. It is possible if given the correct condition, the mind can cease to ignore emotion.. By then, a strong logical with high IQ and EQ would conquer anything and anyone..
One of the most effective catalyst would be solitude living condition.
Well, it used to be true for me but as time went by... I can't stop ignoring my emotions... My emotions are hindering my judgement...
I cannot cry infront of anyone... Not ever...
I wish I have someone remembering me when I die....
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
28th July 2011
At 2 am this morning, woke up to worship God.. Somehow all the songs in my IPod feels very normal... Then when I felt a voice telling me to use this song......
The song peace on earth by parachute band gave me this strong presence for some reason... I realized that I can reflect joy after all.. Wow. Impacting. :)
Been spending my time to reach out to people I wanna reach but it's getting harder each day. :( Praying more and doing more than what I usually do now..
Sure can de! Haha! Edwin!! Must believe!! :)
Will blog later in the evening.. Gonna go back studying. Cya~
ARISE, SHINE, FOR OUR LIGHT HAS COME
OUR LIGHT HAS COME
AND THE GLORY OF THE LORD RISES ON US
UPON US NOW
DARKNESS OVER PEOPLE AND OVER NATIONS
BUT THERE IS HOPE
SEE THE LORD RISES OVER US
HIS GLORY SHINES
WE THE CHURCH, A LIGHT TO ALL
BURNED IN OUR HEARTS THE SAVIOURS CALL
MORE OF JESUS IN MY LIFE
MORE OF JESUS SO I SHINE
YOUR PEACE ON EARTH
YOUR PEACE ON EARTH
MORE OF JESUS IN MY LIFE
WITH A DIFFERENT SPIRIT SHINE
YOUR PEACE ON EARTH
YOUR PEACE ON EARTH
ARISE, SHINE, FOR OUR LIGHT HAS COME
OUR LIGHT HAS COME
AND THE GLORY OF THE LORD RISES ON US
UPON US NOW
MORE THAN WE CAN ASK
MORE THAN WE CAN DREAM
OUR GOD WILL DO IT
TO GOD BE THE GLORY
The song peace on earth by parachute band gave me this strong presence for some reason... I realized that I can reflect joy after all.. Wow. Impacting. :)
Been spending my time to reach out to people I wanna reach but it's getting harder each day. :( Praying more and doing more than what I usually do now..
Sure can de! Haha! Edwin!! Must believe!! :)
Will blog later in the evening.. Gonna go back studying. Cya~
ARISE, SHINE, FOR OUR LIGHT HAS COME
OUR LIGHT HAS COME
AND THE GLORY OF THE LORD RISES ON US
UPON US NOW
DARKNESS OVER PEOPLE AND OVER NATIONS
BUT THERE IS HOPE
SEE THE LORD RISES OVER US
HIS GLORY SHINES
WE THE CHURCH, A LIGHT TO ALL
BURNED IN OUR HEARTS THE SAVIOURS CALL
MORE OF JESUS IN MY LIFE
MORE OF JESUS SO I SHINE
YOUR PEACE ON EARTH
YOUR PEACE ON EARTH
MORE OF JESUS IN MY LIFE
WITH A DIFFERENT SPIRIT SHINE
YOUR PEACE ON EARTH
YOUR PEACE ON EARTH
ARISE, SHINE, FOR OUR LIGHT HAS COME
OUR LIGHT HAS COME
AND THE GLORY OF THE LORD RISES ON US
UPON US NOW
MORE THAN WE CAN ASK
MORE THAN WE CAN DREAM
OUR GOD WILL DO IT
TO GOD BE THE GLORY
27th July 2011
So many tags for this post. Reason is to reflect how so many thoughts could actually reflect me..
Oh well, I am happy. :)
Nothing much to blog about, will re edit this post if I have time. Haha! :)
Oh well, I am happy. :)
Nothing much to blog about, will re edit this post if I have time. Haha! :)
Saturday, July 23, 2011
24th July 2011
Sometimes i would ask myself this questions:
Why did I become a Christian??
Why have I benefitted by becoming a Christian??
Why did I chose christianity over other religion??
Why has Christianity got to do with my purpose???
Well, a little background information about myself first.
My dad is a cultivator(that how he coins the terms bur I still think he is a Buddhist) who is able to preach. A pastor. I have been following him since young....
I always thought that I would be his next successor. The fact that I would take over him..
However, as time flows and years pass, I became to discover that I am different from the rest....
I keep having this dream that I was a young child and that I was walking with someone older.. Then all of a sudden, a snake pulled me down to the earth by biting my leg. Specifically my left ankle.
Then I would be pulled down and that how I ended up in this house.
Oh well.. Randomness!!
I became a Christian because I felt His love but by doing so, I have open myself up to heavy persecution and war. Sometimes.... I would ask myself if it was really worth it???
I don't like my school mates who just mock me and my church people from my school who would continue to say hurting words into me.... Arrghh!!! Life is so unfair!!
Friends and family are gone.. What next??? I will keep hanging to you and walk in faith but I don't know how much more I can take before I fall and fade completely...
Being very emo now. :(
I really hate my parents, time after time they cheat my feelings and crush my hopes..
N level result and my parents never even congratulate me.... I am okay that you didn't help me. Yet still insist on coming to ceremony so as to brag about "your" achievement. One word: HYPOCRITE!!
My birthday and you still couldn't give me peace? I seriously hate you both.. Yet I am always forced to help you all the time!
I wanna cry out and break free...... I have no friends now because I have happen to lost my close friends... Feel so alone... So bitter..
Well, my sadness has leaked out and shown it's tail.. People are starting to see that I have become more emo.....
I would pray that someone would just encourage me now.......
I don't have the energy to run this race anymore.
Just one person to speak life into me...
Tell me the purpose of living...
Haizz... Sigh....
Why did I become a Christian??
Why have I benefitted by becoming a Christian??
Why did I chose christianity over other religion??
Why has Christianity got to do with my purpose???
Well, a little background information about myself first.
My dad is a cultivator(that how he coins the terms bur I still think he is a Buddhist) who is able to preach. A pastor. I have been following him since young....
I always thought that I would be his next successor. The fact that I would take over him..
However, as time flows and years pass, I became to discover that I am different from the rest....
I keep having this dream that I was a young child and that I was walking with someone older.. Then all of a sudden, a snake pulled me down to the earth by biting my leg. Specifically my left ankle.
Then I would be pulled down and that how I ended up in this house.
Oh well.. Randomness!!
I became a Christian because I felt His love but by doing so, I have open myself up to heavy persecution and war. Sometimes.... I would ask myself if it was really worth it???
I don't like my school mates who just mock me and my church people from my school who would continue to say hurting words into me.... Arrghh!!! Life is so unfair!!
Friends and family are gone.. What next??? I will keep hanging to you and walk in faith but I don't know how much more I can take before I fall and fade completely...
Being very emo now. :(
I really hate my parents, time after time they cheat my feelings and crush my hopes..
N level result and my parents never even congratulate me.... I am okay that you didn't help me. Yet still insist on coming to ceremony so as to brag about "your" achievement. One word: HYPOCRITE!!
My birthday and you still couldn't give me peace? I seriously hate you both.. Yet I am always forced to help you all the time!
I wanna cry out and break free...... I have no friends now because I have happen to lost my close friends... Feel so alone... So bitter..
Well, my sadness has leaked out and shown it's tail.. People are starting to see that I have become more emo.....
I would pray that someone would just encourage me now.......
I don't have the energy to run this race anymore.
Just one person to speak life into me...
Tell me the purpose of living...
Haizz... Sigh....
Friday, July 22, 2011
22nd July 2011
Blogging on my way home from church.. :)
Personal blog here, can pour out my real feelings here. Only a few have access to this blog. ( technically 2)
You both would know who I am referring to.
Time to share something about my life again. Hmm... Where should I start?? Oh well, let's start from today.
After our physics focus, had a really funny yet kinda personal conversation with both Arif and Fauzi.
They asked me if I was interested I Brenda!?! Hahahaha! Why would I be interested in her?? Haha! Well, I am interested to know more about her but never interested in getting to BGR with her. :P
Although I find her character nice. :P
I have some personal condition when I find a soul mate.
My checklist
Must have a good character. Doesn't really matter if ugly or nice
****Must be a Christian. This is important so as to have the same thinking as me.
Other than that, I am okay with other things. :)
Had school till 2.30pm then followed by rushing back home before going to church. :)
CG today was simple yet awesome! Learn how to hare John 3:16 all over again.. LOL!! haha.
I really wanna be like my CGL. I will start by following my Leader directly under me. :)
Always wanna be awesome like my leader. :)
Going back home to complete my study rule. :) 15 hours completed. Just 5 more!!!!
Oh well, nothing much to blog about. Cya soon readers. :)
Personal blog here, can pour out my real feelings here. Only a few have access to this blog. ( technically 2)
You both would know who I am referring to.
Time to share something about my life again. Hmm... Where should I start?? Oh well, let's start from today.
After our physics focus, had a really funny yet kinda personal conversation with both Arif and Fauzi.
They asked me if I was interested I Brenda!?! Hahahaha! Why would I be interested in her?? Haha! Well, I am interested to know more about her but never interested in getting to BGR with her. :P
Although I find her character nice. :P
I have some personal condition when I find a soul mate.
My checklist
Must have a good character. Doesn't really matter if ugly or nice
****Must be a Christian. This is important so as to have the same thinking as me.
Other than that, I am okay with other things. :)
Had school till 2.30pm then followed by rushing back home before going to church. :)
CG today was simple yet awesome! Learn how to hare John 3:16 all over again.. LOL!! haha.
I really wanna be like my CGL. I will start by following my Leader directly under me. :)
Always wanna be awesome like my leader. :)
Going back home to complete my study rule. :) 15 hours completed. Just 5 more!!!!
Oh well, nothing much to blog about. Cya soon readers. :)
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
21th July 2011
Feeling very emo in the morning... :(
Keep thinking of past struggles for some reason..
Still can't believe that our relationship degraded...
Yesterday set infront of Desiree.. So quiet and so silent..
Actually I don't really care about it anymore...
Writing this post not hoping to draw attention. Writing this post to describe how I truly feel. :(
Life never improve at home... I wanna leave the house once and for all... :'(
Everyone has such a great family.. Oh well, guess not everyone will have a happy ending.
Just for your information, its 5.30am now...
My life sucks... Sigh...
I wanna grow.. Grow at my own pace.. I had enough of people calling me useless.. :(
Oh well, that what I get when I let my heart win.. :|
I am starting to lose sight of who I am...
Arrghh!!! EDWIN!! Don't emo!!! The worse is over!!!
Living a life full of love. :) such a simple action like remembering my name is more than enough. I love my CG F4. :)
I love HOGC
I love my life.
I am so gonna have a breakthrough. :)
Keep thinking of past struggles for some reason..
Still can't believe that our relationship degraded...
Yesterday set infront of Desiree.. So quiet and so silent..
Actually I don't really care about it anymore...
Writing this post not hoping to draw attention. Writing this post to describe how I truly feel. :(
Life never improve at home... I wanna leave the house once and for all... :'(
Everyone has such a great family.. Oh well, guess not everyone will have a happy ending.
Just for your information, its 5.30am now...
My life sucks... Sigh...
I wanna grow.. Grow at my own pace.. I had enough of people calling me useless.. :(
Oh well, that what I get when I let my heart win.. :|
I am starting to lose sight of who I am...
Arrghh!!! EDWIN!! Don't emo!!! The worse is over!!!
Living a life full of love. :) such a simple action like remembering my name is more than enough. I love my CG F4. :)
I love HOGC
I love my life.
I am so gonna have a breakthrough. :)
Saturday, July 16, 2011
17th July 2011
Blogging during work now.. So sad that I can't go for service today... :(
So many things to blog about... where should I start?
Well... In the beginning God created the heaven and earth.. XD
Hahha!! Too far.. JkJK!
Well.. let's start from the very beginning... gonna skip everything I had in June cause is just full of discouragement and all sorts of terrible things..
7th July 2011
Was totally sad that my life was at the deepest valley.... people shooting me with words that cut right through me....
I had a terrible family who didn't understand me at all...
The pain I had to go through each day in school being mocked and challenged for my actions...
Another reason was because I felt that I am very useless in pastoral work.. How come everyone is receiving DC while I don't?
Why is everyone rising up except me??
Why is it that I am always bad with my skills that I do?
That's the reason why I started to dull out and become withdrawn to people around me...
I just couldn't believe that even my friend as a Christian would speak death into me..
8th July 2011
My birthday yet the only things I received were punches and nasty words from people..
Celebrated (Who am I lying???) with Adrian and the clique of people.
Went home only to realized that my parents forgot about my birthday totally..
Not only that, I was scolded by my grandma for my problems that I didn't create.
My parents had a fierce argument and my brother persecuted me for my morning prayers and my beliefs...
I broke down on my birthday... only Samantha talked to me and encouraged me but I couldn't smile anymore....
The tears that couldn't stop flowing.... cried a river on my way to bed...
I was thinking of God's plan for me. Did it really happen or was I just to naive to hear my own voice? That was the question that keep flowing in my mind..
9th July 2011
woke up with yet arguments... left home early hoping that I could lift away the burden by talking to friends and going for a worship session with my CG...
During worship session, I couldn't stop crying for some reason, within that 1 hour, I felt ministered by God... took away the pain and burden that I carried and spoke to me something so personal and powerful...
My leader spoke to me and told me to focus on my strengths... I didn't quite understand where are my strengths...
That was the first time I felt God really touching my heart and guiding me..
Taken Down from security ministry due to AE take down..
Spend time with my best friend in church before going home to be persecuted by people again..
13th July 2011
During QT, I asked Him about the sentence that my leader shared, turns out that my strength were all along there, right infront of me.
I made it this far yet I didn't cherish the moment.
I was fearfully and wonderfully made by God.
I smiled as the song "because of You" played in my Ipod touch and I could only smile with tears of joy flowing down me.
The fact that my plans were real...
I prayed for a revival in TSS to happen. :)
Before I knew it, 2 hours had passed..
This was the day that I truly smiled.
So many things to blog about... where should I start?
Well... In the beginning God created the heaven and earth.. XD
Hahha!! Too far.. JkJK!
Well.. let's start from the very beginning... gonna skip everything I had in June cause is just full of discouragement and all sorts of terrible things..
7th July 2011
Was totally sad that my life was at the deepest valley.... people shooting me with words that cut right through me....
I had a terrible family who didn't understand me at all...
The pain I had to go through each day in school being mocked and challenged for my actions...
Another reason was because I felt that I am very useless in pastoral work.. How come everyone is receiving DC while I don't?
Why is everyone rising up except me??
Why is it that I am always bad with my skills that I do?
That's the reason why I started to dull out and become withdrawn to people around me...
I just couldn't believe that even my friend as a Christian would speak death into me..
8th July 2011
My birthday yet the only things I received were punches and nasty words from people..
Celebrated (Who am I lying???) with Adrian and the clique of people.
Went home only to realized that my parents forgot about my birthday totally..
Not only that, I was scolded by my grandma for my problems that I didn't create.
My parents had a fierce argument and my brother persecuted me for my morning prayers and my beliefs...
I broke down on my birthday... only Samantha talked to me and encouraged me but I couldn't smile anymore....
The tears that couldn't stop flowing.... cried a river on my way to bed...
I was thinking of God's plan for me. Did it really happen or was I just to naive to hear my own voice? That was the question that keep flowing in my mind..
9th July 2011
woke up with yet arguments... left home early hoping that I could lift away the burden by talking to friends and going for a worship session with my CG...
During worship session, I couldn't stop crying for some reason, within that 1 hour, I felt ministered by God... took away the pain and burden that I carried and spoke to me something so personal and powerful...
My leader spoke to me and told me to focus on my strengths... I didn't quite understand where are my strengths...
That was the first time I felt God really touching my heart and guiding me..
Taken Down from security ministry due to AE take down..
Spend time with my best friend in church before going home to be persecuted by people again..
13th July 2011
During QT, I asked Him about the sentence that my leader shared, turns out that my strength were all along there, right infront of me.
I made it this far yet I didn't cherish the moment.
I was fearfully and wonderfully made by God.
I smiled as the song "because of You" played in my Ipod touch and I could only smile with tears of joy flowing down me.
The fact that my plans were real...
I prayed for a revival in TSS to happen. :)
Before I knew it, 2 hours had passed..
This was the day that I truly smiled.
"The reason you had a terrible past it so that when you face true darkness, you will face true light."
Now, I know that Your love is always real. :)
There was a major breakthrough for me in my life.
I managed to invite my junior for AE service. :D
yes!! Amen!!!
After prayers and fasting, it came to past. :)
Thank You so much.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
23rd June 2011
Back after so long. ;)
This could possibly be my last post. Have to really activate 20 hour study rule from now onwards.
Academic excellence take down is coming soon!!! Nooo!! :(
So fun being in security!! :(
Plus my L1R5 is terrible. Gonna be removed from pastoral work too. :(
Sad ttvm, :(
Oh well~ I will prove myself. I heard there will be a prelims after the holiday.
A check list to remind myself. :D
No using of internet for more than 3 hours
No more Facebook for unnecessary reasons
No watching Television for more than an hour
Fulfill a 20 hour study rule.
that's all folks~ Cya~
This could possibly be my last post. Have to really activate 20 hour study rule from now onwards.
Academic excellence take down is coming soon!!! Nooo!! :(
So fun being in security!! :(
Plus my L1R5 is terrible. Gonna be removed from pastoral work too. :(
Sad ttvm, :(
Oh well~ I will prove myself. I heard there will be a prelims after the holiday.
A check list to remind myself. :D
No using of internet for more than 3 hours
No more Facebook for unnecessary reasons
No watching Television for more than an hour
Fulfill a 20 hour study rule.
that's all folks~ Cya~
Thursday, June 16, 2011
16th June 2011
7.16pm
This has been a terrible roller coaster ride... A ride where things started to change...
I know now that friends aren't real in life...
The world is a place where solitude exist.
However, I know that I have a friend who I can rely on when my life crashes...
Thank You for letting me meet such a person in life. :)
Had a really terrible nightmare.... What's the point of even describing it? Is always my past flash backs. :) Haha!
Had a really awesome camp! Crossroad camp has really impacted me.. I wanted to thank Roy for praying for me. (:
Going out to have dinner with my parents soon. Will blog again later. :D
Peace! (Y)
10.02pm
My house has become a war zone where cold war can take place. :O
Shocking to see that both parties are arguing. :(
Oh well, maybe I will blog early in the morning.
I just realized that I made a terrible mistake in pastoral work today. Gotta be more careful next time.
This has been a terrible roller coaster ride... A ride where things started to change...
I know now that friends aren't real in life...
The world is a place where solitude exist.
However, I know that I have a friend who I can rely on when my life crashes...
Thank You for letting me meet such a person in life. :)
Had a really terrible nightmare.... What's the point of even describing it? Is always my past flash backs. :) Haha!
Had a really awesome camp! Crossroad camp has really impacted me.. I wanted to thank Roy for praying for me. (:
Going out to have dinner with my parents soon. Will blog again later. :D
Peace! (Y)
10.02pm
My house has become a war zone where cold war can take place. :O
Shocking to see that both parties are arguing. :(
Oh well, maybe I will blog early in the morning.
I just realized that I made a terrible mistake in pastoral work today. Gotta be more careful next time.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
3rd June 2011
I feel as though I keep having insecurity in my life... Eh? What the... I should not even be saying this.. The old me died on the Cross with Christ and know I am born again.. :)
Yesterday had QT... Impacted by His knowledge. :)
Questions to ask before speaking and and doing...
Lastly, think positive. :)
Conducted tuition with my batch of students. :D So glad that Sze Hao finally learned Venn diagram. :D yes! *Self-pat of shoulder*
Let's use this tuition to talk to people and reach out. Hahaha!
For too long I have always look at things from a negative view... Now I will be positive as much as possible. :)
Not gonna blog much anymore. It's 5.30am in the morning. :D possibly Vlog(video blogging) in the afternoon. :)
Yesterday had QT... Impacted by His knowledge. :)
Questions to ask before speaking and and doing...
Lastly, think positive. :)
Conducted tuition with my batch of students. :D So glad that Sze Hao finally learned Venn diagram. :D yes! *Self-pat of shoulder*
Let's use this tuition to talk to people and reach out. Hahaha!
For too long I have always look at things from a negative view... Now I will be positive as much as possible. :)
Not gonna blog much anymore. It's 5.30am in the morning. :D possibly Vlog(video blogging) in the afternoon. :)
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Angry post
Lashing out anger here at this post: Ignore if not interested.
1st person. Person MZ: I hate you!!! Everyone of you! Jerks!
I hate you for everything!! You think u big ar know the girls names only act like some ah beng?
I not interested yet you all day only talk about girls then of course I nothing to say ma!! You all only stalk then always get into BGR with them for the sake of filling up that insecurity! Come on la! Grow up can or not!? Sheesh!
Even the people there from pure and innocent to dirty and perverted because of you! Own self horny also no need to share the feeling ma!
You think is a trend that using vulgarity will make you popular?? U are sadly wrong!
Btw just for your information, I am someone who does not really need people like you to treat me like this. I am drawing the line here. We are just schoolmates. Nothing more. Don't try to act friendly.. You will just spoil my mood altogether... I allow people like you to jab me and enjoy laughter BUT don't you go overboard and speak death into me! I won't accept it. Stupid air pork!
Btw, I hate you touching me so hands off! And you are not muscular so don't act just because you can bench press weights that are more than mine while I can't. Wanna challenge endurance? I bet you won't last at all!
Next person. Person RS: What happen to our friendship man? Can't you remember what you shared with me?? Yet look at yourself.. Flirting and scolding vulgarities... Did you really meant what you said??
The friendship we have used to be unbreakable but now our friendship is questionable.. Disappointed in you...
Next person. Person LZ: You still dare call yourself a Christian despite the fact that you talk without any sense of thinking?? Always so perverted and talk about not so nice stuff to people. Then followed by acts that purposely irritate me! You do know that I have a bad day yet you chose to disturb me.. Later still complain why I so sensitive? Jerk! And yet still dare call yourself a Christian!?!?
1st person. Person MZ: I hate you!!! Everyone of you! Jerks!
I hate you for everything!! You think u big ar know the girls names only act like some ah beng?
I not interested yet you all day only talk about girls then of course I nothing to say ma!! You all only stalk then always get into BGR with them for the sake of filling up that insecurity! Come on la! Grow up can or not!? Sheesh!
Even the people there from pure and innocent to dirty and perverted because of you! Own self horny also no need to share the feeling ma!
You think is a trend that using vulgarity will make you popular?? U are sadly wrong!
Btw just for your information, I am someone who does not really need people like you to treat me like this. I am drawing the line here. We are just schoolmates. Nothing more. Don't try to act friendly.. You will just spoil my mood altogether... I allow people like you to jab me and enjoy laughter BUT don't you go overboard and speak death into me! I won't accept it. Stupid air pork!
Btw, I hate you touching me so hands off! And you are not muscular so don't act just because you can bench press weights that are more than mine while I can't. Wanna challenge endurance? I bet you won't last at all!
Next person. Person RS: What happen to our friendship man? Can't you remember what you shared with me?? Yet look at yourself.. Flirting and scolding vulgarities... Did you really meant what you said??
The friendship we have used to be unbreakable but now our friendship is questionable.. Disappointed in you...
Next person. Person LZ: You still dare call yourself a Christian despite the fact that you talk without any sense of thinking?? Always so perverted and talk about not so nice stuff to people. Then followed by acts that purposely irritate me! You do know that I have a bad day yet you chose to disturb me.. Later still complain why I so sensitive? Jerk! And yet still dare call yourself a Christian!?!?
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