8 September 2011

Blogging while on the way home. Went to ECP to cycle with my CG. Totally awesome. :)
Meet some great friends and some 'special' friends.. =O
Lol... I think I am being bad by saying that.. :P haha.
Anyway, had a really great time with them. Cycled with them to Changi (only made it half cause of time constrains. :P ) and had dinner with them.

I just found out recently that Cheryl Chan is leading F1. =O surprised ttvm.. Haha! lol!

Now on the way rushing to NUH to meet with my uncle ( my mother's brother). Kinda shocked that he had a heart attack again. Oh my.. Praying for him. Hope that everything will be alright..


Something about myself, I had this terrible thought that I wanna cut myself yesterday. :( I can't believe I still have that thought... The last time I had this was when I was in primary school.... :(

I am feeling quite desperate now..... What did I do wrong this time round??? Everything seems so perfect from secondary 1... Now it all collapse completely.... Lost my only best friend and relentless attacks from people. I really feel cornered by circumstances... I know small people complain.. I better not complain....



I just wish that I would pull through this valley... I am feeling hurt... I keep disobeying His commandments. Why??? My brother's situation is getting from bad to worse... Is it because me?? Darn...


Life sucks as of now.. Sigh... Nobody understands me.... Not even myself... I think I just wanna ask Sam for her opinion...


Anyways, Swee Kheng introduce me to a song which I like so much. Song that saved my life by Simple Plan. Such a meaningful song. Gonna practice this song on the guitar during my free time. In the mean time, I just wanna practice Heart Of Worship and Freedom We Know or Happy Day. (can't decide which song to practice!!!) :)

28th July 2011

At 2 am this morning, woke up to worship God.. Somehow all the songs in my IPod feels very normal... Then when I felt a voice telling me to use this song......

The song peace on earth by parachute band gave me this strong presence for some reason... I realized that I can reflect joy after all.. Wow. Impacting. :)

Been spending my time to reach out to people I wanna reach but it's getting harder each day. :( Praying more and doing more than what I usually do now..

Sure can de! Haha! Edwin!! Must believe!! :)
Will blog later in the evening.. Gonna go back studying. Cya~


ARISE, SHINE, FOR OUR LIGHT HAS COME
OUR LIGHT HAS COME
AND THE GLORY OF THE LORD RISES ON US
UPON US NOW

DARKNESS OVER PEOPLE AND OVER NATIONS
BUT THERE IS HOPE
SEE THE LORD RISES OVER US
HIS GLORY SHINES

WE THE CHURCH, A LIGHT TO ALL
BURNED IN OUR HEARTS THE SAVIOURS CALL

MORE OF JESUS IN MY LIFE
MORE OF JESUS SO I SHINE
YOUR PEACE ON EARTH
YOUR PEACE ON EARTH

MORE OF JESUS IN MY LIFE
WITH A DIFFERENT SPIRIT SHINE
YOUR PEACE ON EARTH
YOUR PEACE ON EARTH

ARISE, SHINE, FOR OUR LIGHT HAS COME
OUR LIGHT HAS COME
AND THE GLORY OF THE LORD RISES ON US
UPON US NOW

MORE THAN WE CAN ASK
MORE THAN WE CAN DREAM
OUR GOD WILL DO IT

TO GOD BE THE GLORY

27th July 2011

So many tags for this post. Reason is to reflect how so many thoughts could actually reflect me..

Oh well, I am happy. :)
Nothing much to blog about, will re edit this post if I have time. Haha! :)

25t May 2011

Had a really Tired week after so many waves of Chinese mock exams... Can't they just end it asap? :(

Oh well.. Terrible week... Not gonna blog much anymore...... Nothing to talk about today...

I find peace and joy in You alone.. I know I should be strong... Really ought to thank Rui Jian for sharing such a powerful verse but I am uncertain about it...

I am not making any sense huh? Hahahaha... Nevermind. :) This blog is never private anymore.... Shutting down blog from today onwards...

This will become another place where I will pour my poems rather than blogging about my life.. :)


Poem 1:
Within the ashes of fire, lies the birth of a new being.
Within the darkness, lies a glimmer of light.
Within the light, lies a seed of darkness.
However, within a human's heart lies all of the above.
With such potential that exceed even ourselves.
We have the ability to harness both light and darkness.
It's only a matter of time before both shall rage a war.
The decisive battle is not far from now.

-Edwin Ang

Poem 2:

People always seek for perfection which is impossible.
Yet seeking for perfection helps people to be more perfect.
However, perfection is impossible as nothing is perfect within our vision.
Even the greatest law created by humans are far from perfect.
Yet it is this drive for perfection that's empowers us to do remarkable achievements.
Perfection is imperfect
Imperfection is perfect
Is the word perfection merely a word used without any logical sense?

23th May 2011

Time: 5.46am

It takes people to remind me multiple times but if only takes Him just 1 word to make me wake up.

Have a great and fruitful weekend. Was blown away by service. :)
I am not useless.. :D thank You for constantly reminding me that..

Was severely discouraged on Friday and didn't know who to talk to until Samantha started to talk to me..

She is truly a strong woman of God. :) Thank God for blessing me with such a wonderful sister in Christ. :)

That aside, Chinese O levels is coming soon.. Gonna be taken down from ministry soon. :( sad.

Oh well, gonna blog soon..

PS: This blog has been filled with too much negative thoughts again... Contaminated by darkness.. If this continues, then I will have to shut down this blog again..



8.11pm

I just have this very strong feeling that I am totally disconnected from God's family... :( Miracles happening in their school but not mine.. :(

Feel like talking to people like them is just wasting my time and energy.. Oh my... Guess I am being very negative about myself again... Shucks....

Shutting down this blog soon...

6th May 2011 (continued)

Had a really awesome time hanging out with one of my friends from JJC. Although is just a study outing, had really appreciated his effort to spend time with me to just teach me. :) Gonna be the best! :D

From my previous post, I just wanna add on something. The reason I did so well is because I had His grace and wisdom by my side all the time. :) I always wondered how people do so well and yet be so active... now I know. ;) AE rocks! :D

haha that's the positive side of my life now. As for the negative side, the list just keeps on adding for some reason.


(Ignore the next few paragraph if you don't wanna hear me nag)



Now that I am useless and not of any value to you guys anymore, what will you do to me? I guess there is no such thing as respect in life huh? sheesh!

I don't know if it is just me or is everyone else starting to hate me? I lost all the motivation and courage to talk to people anymore... Talking to news friends never fell so painful ever since you spoke those words to me...
(EDWINNNN!! don't think so much! You are changed! Be happy! smile! :D)

maybe is just me thinking too much. :) I am awesome! I can't cheer people up but I can always be there for people. regardless of academic or emotional, I will help people to my fullest! :)

I wanna fill this blog with positive thoughts. Leaving behind happy and joyful memories instead of shedding tears over the past.

This is my present. I may not have a childhood at all but I wanna to leave a positive impact for everyone. :D

This is my resolve! This is my drive! I won't stop till my last breathe. :)

LOL! getting so agitated again. Gotta pull myself together and start to believe. :D

Overall day: Awesome day! studying with a friend greatly boost my moral. But tio crushed by reality. oh well, Can't be positive all the time. :)

Overall mood: kinda moody till the point I can sleep. :O oh my! sound so gay now!! haha! but still very happy.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]

2nd May 2011

I have a really strong feeling that I need to tell my leaders about this blog rather than keeping it to myself. I trust him more than I trust myself. :P LOL! (contracting sentence! EDWIN! you not not making sense!)

it's 8am now and everyone is asleep. Wish the house would be this quiet everyday. Small things also need to argue.. sheesh! :P Oh well. Cherish what I have ba..

one thing that I don't have now is money. :'( I running out of cash le. :( Have to start working again. Online blog shop anyone? Studying on that now.

I realized that I had that dream for so long but it never ends. :O what happens after I fall into the ocean?? That feeling.. so real and so powerful. What happened before I also not sure. :P

Self encouragement: Edwin! Remember how far you have come up to now because of Him. Don't let everyone's effort go to waste!!

I can still remember what she said to me during my primary school day.. that conversation that changed my life...

Me: Why must God do this to me?! If he really exist then why torture me and not the people who harmed me!?

Her: Maybe God wants to pour out blessing into your life but he wants to see if you are capable or not. He is giving you a test.

Me: It painful to live each day with the thought of suicide..

Her: Edwin! *Taps on my shoulder and looked at me in the eyes* Everyone has potential, God has given everyone a ability. If you die, wouldn't it be a waste to lose your ability? You may not know your ability until you try. Don't worry what happens, God always love you.

I can't believe I broke down after that conversation.. but that conversation kept me up and given me hope till today. I know it sounds like a fairytale and even up till today, I still think it's a miracle. :O but I believe it's real. Fairytale endings do exist. Just need to look hard enough to see that.
I wanna love everyone like how she loved me and given me encouragement. Thank You for showing me my abilities. :')

Oh my.. so emotional again.. haha.. oh well, blog later.

Mobile Blogging from here.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]

1st May 2011

really learned a powerful life lesson.. I should learn to forgive and learn to give in to submission but still do what is rite....
I still hate that person who talked to me point blank about my problem but I won't be bad... she is after all, a leader.
overall day: awesome day to serve in the house of the Lord
overall mood : happy. :)

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]

25th April 2011

As stupid as I sound, I realized that there is one person who I can really trust in my life and that is God alone.. that great sensation of peace... :)

I love myself for making such a decision. :D haha!
LOL! have been getting into so emotional this few days that I totally ignore about my current life.. :) must be connected to my life.. trust people more but trust God 100%. :D

been studying so hard yet I feel like I am slacking.. should start studying now. :) 6 pm to 9 pm then play PSP till 10pm! wohoo! love my life... :)

I know I have not been posting much on my evaluation so gonna make if a habit to write it. :D

overall day: tired and beat up but feeling so energized after P&W! :)

overall mood: moody and totally down but somehow feeling so happy after spend time with God! :D

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]

22nd April 2011

it's good to know that someone you can talk to in your life.
I really shouldn't show my soft spot huh? I am really afraid of being betrayed by people. :'(

Gotta put up a strong image. No problem.
This is my life, my Walk, my Faith.
thanks everyone for the encouragement. :)

Gonna serve like a experienced security but have the same feeling of serving it for the first time. :D

My talent is elsewhere. maybe not in evangelism but perhaps in serving. :|

gonna flow with the Holy Spirit. :D

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]

20th April 2011

feeling so hurt by lashes..
Confused
Insecure
Discouraged
I wanna be more like You.
being the salt and being someone who will shine Your light other people..
I don't wanna backslide because of 1 incident but I feel hurt.. maybe she was unwise.. not going to take this with me anymore.
I wanna be myself starting from tomorrow. :)

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]

16th April 2011 (beginning)

A start of a new day!! :) CG food is prepared and I have finished praying. :)

being totally radical at 4am in the morning by waking up and praying. I really although it didn't last very long either..... hmm... really ought to start building up my spiritual walk. don't rely on facts alone. have faith and all things are possible. :)

really hope that today will be a great day! svc plus outing plus CG plus prayer meeting with school mates. :D

I wonder when will this positive thinking stop uh.. I am afraid that I will drop again.. :(

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]

15th April 2011

Finally after sports day! so bored and so much time wasted but it is totally worthwhile! :) haha!!

spend most of the time making a fool of myself and at the same time, spend the remaining days playing with people. :) lobe listening to P&W songs for CCH! haha! :)

I think I know what I really need i my life now. need to be close with God's family. at the same time, gonna start bringing peeps to know God.

I will be faith filled. :)

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]

14th April 2011

Went to hang out with 2 of my best CG mates. Although it was nothing special, I feel that I was included in a family. I really felt that I was part of God's family.

I just feel totally angry and annoyed that my church school mates don't even include me in the discussion on Easter day... I know I should not have fallen asleep and I apologize for that but that doesn't mean that you have to treat me like an outsider..

I had enough of people like you! Just don't talk to me altogether! you just keep making me more annoyed and disappointed of you. -_-" oh man.. couldn't believe I am thinking like this... really sorry.. :(

so angry today especially those 2 idiots who keep challenging my educational knowledge. You think you big ar!? n level get so high still dare to talk so much cock! I trying to teach you yet you complain saying my knowledge is wrong?!

So what if u can identify 1 or 2 of my mistakes in my answers? It just means that I am not careful. Stop thinking that you are some genius! here I am teaching you how to do yet you refuse to listen and complain saying my answer is wrong! if it I'd wrong then do it yourself la! noob!
act so spiritual and yet keep saying different things.. don't lie to yourself la!

Totally so angry with the both of them.... really ought to control my temper.... Don't you all dare to step on me! I don't usually blow up but don't go try me. you will be sorry if you do.


Well, other than that, I feel that I should take actions into my own hands. No more hiding myself anymore. I wanna start reaching out on my own and I won't hold back.

overall day: terrible and long.. wish tomorrow is better

overall mood: angry and annoyed. so many people pushing the wrong buttons in me. gotta control it.. :|

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]

11th April 2011 ( fragment)

I wanna fill this blog with positive thoughts instead of negative ones.. gonna make a commitment to do that from now onwards. :)

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]

14th Oct 2010

read finish all my previous post. I just realize that I am unstable in my thinking.
Maybe it is really true that I am just another failed experiment. =P
Oh well, who cares. =D
Haha!
Live life to the fullest!
I know I can't change the past but I know I can change the future. =D

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]

19th sept 2010

Yesterday was one of the most memorable night of my life.
I apologize to her after plucking up all my courage.
Didn't expect her to forgive me so easily but now........ I am just totally shocked that she did.
Guess anything is possible.
I made a terrible mistake by losing faith in God.
At least now I know that God still loves me like a child and wants me to grow for the better.
I totally thank Him for giving me the courage and molding me to become a cultured person.
For that I am at a lost for words. =D
I just can't describe how much I love you God.
I can't thank you enough. =)
After yesterday, I felt like a changed person.
Not gonna blog too much about this anymore. Cya~
=D

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]

24th Aug 2010

I expected her to ignore me totally. During English and Literature class, she totally ignored me as if I don't exist. Everything is going according to plan. I expected this to happen.
Lets just keep it this way till the end of O levels. I don't want such a person anymore. The only things left to do would be to just tie a few opened knots up and I am totally done. =D
I have better things to do now than to worry for you.
I used to say that I need you in my life. Now, I feel that it is better we go separate ways. I don't want you in my life. I don't want a relationship(now at least). So unpredictable. =D
Yes I know I sound random by typing all this and some may even wonder who is "she" I am referring to. The answer is..... Not gonna say. For those who know, Shhh!!!!!

Overall day: Awesome! =D can't wait for tomorrow!
My feelings: Totally great! Almost feel very high!